Looking ahead at 2009

I am a firm believer on the power of intentions. I intended for 2008 to be a very special year, and so far, I cannot complain. What I am wishing for 2009 is more and better than this year that just went by (and is about to end next week).

I am hoping that the next year brings me more health, a stronger body, a happier outlook, and better cooking skills (let's face it, I suck at cooking).

I am wishing for the new year to bring about the birth of my new company and that we hit the ground running, because I have many plans for all around me.

And for last, I am expecting that everybody I know, whether personally or through the different social networks I belong to on the internet, has the best year ever in 2009.

What are you wishing for?
Keep trying.

Elizabeth and Cal

"People who haven't experienced absolute loneliness for long stretches of time can never sympathize with it at all". Elizabeth Bishop, June 30th, 1948

A friend of mine recommended a book to read. This is a friend that I care for deeply and who's opinion I respect. The book is based on the correspondence between two poets of the 20th century. They were friends and wrote letters to each other for 30 years. The book, so far, is fascinating. Although, some times I feel like I am spying on some very personal information, and at other times I feel like i am getting a pick at the gossip of the literary figures of the time.

There is a reason why I mention this book in a blog about motivation and health. The quote at the beginning is something that stays on my head long after I read it. Loneliness has nothing to do with how many people you are surrounded by. And only people who are lonely for long periods of time understand this quote.

For those of us who struggle with our self esteem and out health, loneliness is a double edge sword. We crave the time when people are not scolding us about our weight and other personal issues. But if we create an invisible wall and stay within it, we feel lonely and misunderstood. So where should we draw the line? What should we do?

I don't have an answer yet, I guess somewhere in between. I need to be alone to create and to write. I want to be alone when I exercise because I don't want anyone to see my "flaws", but I wish I could share with the people around me some of the struggles of the daily life. And not feeling like I can share my feelings without being judged has created a wall, that I am not ready I want to bring down just yet. Where is the line drawn? As soon as I figure it out, I will let you know.

Keep trying.

Finished the list, now let's get to work

After what felt like a lifetime ( it was more like four days) I finished my list. Oddly enough, once I got to 85, goals just started pouring out. Even last night I was dreaming of new goals to put on the list. Interesting!

But now, the job is not done. You see, when you make a list of goals, you have to start working on ways to achieve them. You have to create an action list, transport it into your daily to do list and get cracking. What have I achieved today, at 9:44 AM?

I know there is laundry to be done, a house to clean, things to arrange, but to me, right now, the most important goal is to learn as much as possible. To build a business the way I want it, I have to start with a business plan that will serve more as a storyboard. This is what I want and how I want it to be. Then, I will have to make a list of the tasks that I have to do to make it so. And as I go building my storyboard, I am studying and analyzing the experts, to see what they did and how they did it. I am looking for ideas to bring to my project and make them part of my strategy. I AM READY!

I want a business where I can teach people what I am learning on my journey. Two months ago I said no more soda. I have not being perfect. I've had some soda and a couple of ice cream missteps, but I am still trying. And the one thing I discovered is that those things I felt I needed to sweeten my day (like the ice cream and the soda), I don't need them anymore.

Little things like that will make for an experience that will transform my life. Every little bit helps. I hope you never stop trying.

Keep trying.

Still working on that list of goals

You would think that wanting so much stuff, filling a list of 101 things you want before you die should be easy. Well, it is not. After five days, I only have 66 and some of them are downright dowdy.

I do have some lofty goals and ambitions, and some silly but cool ones, but I cannot, for the life of me, think of more than 66. I could separate every country in Europe and add about seven or eight individual goals, but that would defeat the purpose of goal #40, live in Europe for a year. When I wrote that I thought about being the nomad, spending a month in each country, traveling by train.

So many things I want to do with my life, but when I am asked, so many becomes not enough. I would think that having anything you want, no limits, would be so great that I would make the list in an hour. It is, in reality, so overwhelming, after five days I am still 44 goals short. Anybody has any suggestions?

Keep trying.

Goal setting - writer's block

I am reading a book that challenged me to write a list of measurable goals. Things like: trip to Italy in the summer of 2010 or learn to scuba-dive and get certified by the summer of 2009. I have the piece of paper and the pen ready, and to my shock, even though I have tons of goals, I get writer's block.

What is so hard about putting goals on paper? Could it be that my brain knows that once they appear on paper I have to work on achieving them? And that terrifies me? Wow, what a dilemma.

I don't know why all of a sudden I find it so hard to get through this. I know it has something to do with the seriousness of my intentions. I have every intention on following through on that list. I know I can do it, but fear is paralyzing me.

I will not give up on my dreams. I will not sit here and pretend that I don't have goals and dreams I want to reach. I will not fake my way through life anymore. I will do what needs to be done, to get my goals on paper and start working towards achieving them. This time, fear is not going to stop me. I will keep trying.

Celebration's over, its time to go back to work

My birthday was on Friday and I had a great time. I went to a fancy restaurant with my girlfriend. We went to a couple of different places. We had fun. Then I got home at 1:30 AM and had to help at work (at 3:00 AM) so I was up until 5:30 AM. It has been a long time since I had lived through a 23 1/2 hour day. It was fun, but harder than in the past. But then I got up at 10:30 AM to get ready for a lunch date with another BFF. She invited me to lunch. We had a great time as well.

So now, I have all this great places I tried for the first time, and I would like to go back to. And the best part is the food was exquisite. Now I have to up my workouts. So, this morning, I did 15 min. on the stationary bike, 20 to 25 minutes of salsa lessons and about 10 mins. of weight bearing, upper body exercises. I feel like a million bucks. And this afternoon I have a 30 min. walk.

I guess the good part about November is my birthday celebrations usually last most of the month. The bad thing is that they are over and I have to go back to life. But, I have great memories, and I am already planning to have an even bigger party next year...when my birthday is on a SATURDAY.

Not everything has to be work or workout. Some times, it is OK to have fun. Keep trying.

What is my purpose in life?

As the 21st approaches, and I am getting ready to celebrate my forty-second birthday, I am inspired by one of many books I am reading to come up with a purpose for my life. As I sat down and did the exercises that helped me create such a goal, I started thinking about the direction of my blog.

I am not only here to loose weight (I have now spent ten days at 199), but to inspire others to achieve their potential. I hope that my good times will teach others things to try and my mistakes will serve as inspiration...at least I am willing to try new things in order to get healthy and look good. This is the one place where I have kept my thoughts for the longest time. I should embrace my purpose in life and teach through this.

So, you may be wondering, what goal did I come up with? What is my purpose?

My purpose is to use my creativity and my ability to learn on the fly to teach others and help them achieve a world in which we all take care of the planet and each other.

Now all I have to do is figure out how to do it, and how to make a living while doing that, and I will be in the right path. Keep trying.

From happiness to dissapointment all in one day

Today, I finally broke the 200 pound line. I officially weight 199.6 pounds. And I am still at that time of the month when I am retaining water. I screamed when I saw that. I was really happy. I was excited for the day ahead, election day. It is a new day and I have a great outlook.

Now, it is 7:30 PM and the election results for PR are in. The people of the Commonwealth of PR just elected a man that is turning this country over to the 100 richest people in the country in order to "revive" the economy. When have you ever seen a millionaire do something for the good of the "people". When a millionaire is into making money for his company or his business, he does not give a damn about anyone else. There are only a few notable exceptions to that rule, like Oprah and Tiger Woods, but even Ted Turner and Bill Gates made huge fortunes BEFORE they decided to help others. I'm astonished at the results, but it all goes to show you, people will do the weirdest things.

So I am upset about the results and extremely dissapointed. However, I am not going to sit there and eat and have yet another reason to get upset. I am going to clean my office and start working towards the next twenty pounds. I am going to make an action plan for the party I have on the 15th, and I am going to plan my birthday. And then, I will sit down and figure out what to do with the rest of my life. Because the life I have now, in the place that I am now, is not healthy for me. Hopefully tomorrow I will be in a better mood, but right now, I am giving myself permission to be upset, without stuffing myself with food.

Keep trying.

Proud achievements

Small post, just wanted to update.

Since Oct. 2nd, 2008 I have lost five pounds. I had one cup of soda in the last 26 days and that was enough to sour on the whole experience. How I miss Cokes, but I did say boycott. Other sodas do not taste the same, and so, the urge to drink soda is greatly diminished by my ethical conscience.

I have also started walking again, and have accumulated 22 miles in the last nine days. My legs are feeling like jello but I can see muscles begin to make an appearance. Hopefully, my goal of loosing 20 pounds by Christmas will be easily accomplished as I add more exercises.

On the personal stuff - I am working on rediscovering who I am and what I want to do with the rest of my life. I have made some progress and I know that for now, I do not want the rat race, even if that means making more with less money.

Whatever happens, gotta keep trying.

The power of words

An interesting thing happened to me yesterday that elicits the words I used in my title. I went to dinner with some friends (we keep in touch through emails and facebook, and we see each other once a month) and one of this friends just came back from a cruise. She was upset that her diet efforts had suffered as a consequence because she had gained two pounds, after loosing eight (I think). I explained to her that the average weight gain in a cruise is 5 pounds (I gained 5, another friend gained 8, offering further proof that the average is correct). I also told her that the important thing is that she got back on track. Yesterday, before I saw her, her facebook profile update stated that she was exercising. I congratulated her on getting back on track.
Here is where the power of words come into play. When I got to dinner, she mentioned that my messages were keeping her going. I wrote those messages to keep her doing what she is doing, to do it in a healthy way and so that she does not feel discouraged when "life" throws you a curve ball. What I had no idea was that when she told me how they made her feel, I felt really good about myself. Not only do I practice what I preach but I actually made an impact on someone else, even if it is small. And that made me feel like a million bucks. So no matter what happens or the challenges ahead, keep trying.

Storm took a detour but I am exhausted

Ok, I'm not going to lie. I hate hurricanes. I don't see it as an opportunity to reflect on life or anything. I see it as a pain in my side and yet another test to my ability to stay home without going absolutely crazy.

Well, guess what? The storm never came. We are only going to get loads of water in the next ten hours. All I am praying for is that they don't start until I see the finale for Project Runway.

I am exhausted and in no mood to write, but I know that only by saying exactly how I feel, can I look back in a few months and see where I was and where am I going.

In a more positive note, I am taking a short course on ivillage.com about creating a web site. I love it, even though I waited for the last possible minute to take it (I have until Friday and I started last night). But to be honest with you, I've learned so much in the first three lessons that if I don't get a chance to finish the other three, I know I will be on my way.

Hopefully it will help me jazz this up a little bit...or myspace. Keep trying.

Storm's brewing and you need to keep your cool

Small post today, we are getting ready for a tropical storm here.
That is the reason for my post. Usually, this would be the perfect opportunity to stray from your goals for several reasons:
1) you are anxious
2) your food choices are dictated by whether you have electricity, gas stove, etc.
3) it's raining outside and you are stuck indoors.

This year, I thought more carefully. Yes, I got the token canned goods in order to have a hot meal at some point (I do have a gas stove and cook top). But I also have some fruit for a couple of days, plenty of water, tuna with crackers and other goodies that will make this healthier than usual.

Even though I do want to take advantage of the opportunity and get some soda (in a can), I am making sure that we have plenty of water, some natural juice (for variety) and milk, and a beach cooler that holds the ice temperature for up to five days (we have tested it a couple of times and it works, even in hot weather). The beach cooler can hold a water bottle, a juice bottle, a milk bottle and about three days worth of food, if needed.

As far as the exercise and the anxiety, I have a stationary bike and a stationary butt and leg exercise machine which are both great for aerobic workouts. I also have free weights and enough rip sheets from the magazines to keep me occupied, even if we have no electricity. And I saved some water to be able to take some sort of bath if the water is also taken away.

So, I am ready. Now I have to give up my computer while I finish setting up. Tell me what you think, and if you have some suggestions, send them anyway. I might be able to see them here or with our laptop computer.

Keep trying and don't forget to write.

Discoveries, observations and truths

This weekend was full of discoveries. I discovered that my past was embarrassing enough that I was letting it drive my future. And once the word was out about my past, it did not hold that power anymore. What am I talking about? Allow me to explain.
There are two things in my life that I have always kept hidden about myself:
1) I was anorexic in my late teens and when I was 20.
2) I was raped when I was 20 and drugged and raped again at 25 (by a different person).
Oddly enough, the first time, I was 105 - 110 pounds. And I thought I was beautiful back then. When I was 25, I had recently given birth and lost a whopping 40 pounds (back at 130 after 9 months and 170 pounds on the day of my daughter's birth). Somehow I associated being raped with being skinny. I guess subconsciously I figured, if I'm fat no one will touch me. But I was miserable.
Why did I become anorexic? That is a totally different story. When I was in high school, I weighted 120 pounds. I remember everyone talking about the freshman 20 when I started college. But because I already felt fat at 18 years old, I could not let that happen. And besides, it was so easy to fake my way through a meal. Breakfast was always a blur in my house. Back then, my first college class was at 7 AM which meant that I had to leave my house at 5 AM to avoid traffic and get a good parking spot. Lunch was even easier: I would fill my tray in the cafeteria with all the goodies my friends liked and for every spoonful I got, they would all take one (in our table, there were always about 8 or 10 boys and about the same amount of girls and I always had the boys around to feed). Nobody ever noticed. And then, by the time I got home, more often than not, if I said I ate at school, everyone believed me. But then, two years later, the rape happened and I blamed myself, for being so skinny.
Observations and truths: I've been holding it in for twenty years. I guess all the exercise and eating right was not working because in my heart, I am still that young girl who thinks men can hurt me if I am skinny and powerless. Boy, do I have a lot of work to do to work this out. But the most important thing is that now that is all out in the open, I have seen nothing but support from both family and friends. Even those who don't know me personally are being extremely supportive. And I thank them all on my way to recovery.
Keep trying.

Three days later - I'm holding on out of fury

On Friday night I vowed not to drink my favorite soda out of sheer fury because of government corruption and businesses who thought they "owned the government". I am happy to report that I did not have soda on Friday, Saturday or Sunday. Except for a 15 minute episode last night, where I was having a snack and I could have really used my Coke, I decided to use a trick I learned from Tony Robbins and shift my focus to something completely different. It worked great.

When my friend L stopped drinking soda (due to his diagnosis of diabetes), the first effect was what I called the "bursting of the bubble" syndrome. My interpretation; all that soda pop has the effect of inflating you like a balloon, and when you stop taking it, you deflate. In less than a week he looked ten pounds slimmer. Unfortunately, he discovered Zero drinks and has gained all that balloon look back. But his sugar is stable without medication. I am beginning to see the same effects on me, which is why I explained his situation.

This morning, I had no trouble zipping up my jeans to walk to the post office. Usually, when I wake up in the mornings, I feel bloated. Today was the first day I did not feel that way. I can see the veins in my feet again and I am hoping that in the next few weeks, I will be able to stop taking the water retention pills that have become part of my daily regimen.

It is my belief that everything happens for a reason. I needed a powerful reason to stay away from soda, yet will power alone does not really work for me. I wanted something that made me swing into action. I was able to find that help in an external situation. I do not like the way policing agencies like the Feds and the local police authorities deal with crime. The idea to give in to one crook to catch another is merit less. I believe that they should receive some sort of punishment. But until the time comes when this agencies do something, I think my hard earned dollars can do the talking for me. And if my body finally gets that last push it needs to start showing all the exercising that I am doing, even better.

Keep trying.

Political scandals and my weight loss goals collide

Yesterday, a PR senator was accused of taking bribes and changing legislation outcomes. He was charged with 31 federal charges. I have been following the story for a while, because this is one of our most colorful and controversial characters. He is also either loved or hated by the people of the Commonwealth of Puerto Rico. It is my version of the " telenovela".

As I read the charges filed, it started to annoy me that he was being charged, but the 12 people that gave him the bribe money, after testifying for federal authorities get no punishment for their role in the shopping for political favors scheme. It really ticked me off. So last night, I sat down and after reading all the charges and the descriptions of the people only mentioned as "Persons 1 through 12", I decided to use the document to try to figure out who these 12 people were. If the Feds did not want to tell me, I could look up the legislation mentioned, ask around and figure it out for myself. I spent 3 hours doing it and came up with a couple of them.

Today, in a political analysis show, they confirmed my suspicions and gave me the pieces of the puzzle I was missing. And so, I decided not to sponsor any of the companies involved. If they are not going to get punished, at least they are not getting my money.

What does that have to do with my weight loss goals? As it turns out, my daughter and I have a challenge. The main point in the challenge is she who drinks less soda and eats less ice cream in the next 90 days wins a $100bill on December 31. My poison of choice is Coke and hers, Sprite. Both are bottled and sold by the same company, along with some other favorites of ours: Malta India, Canada Dry, Hawaian Punch, Peroni beer, Sprite Zero, Diet Coke, Dr. Pepper and my personal favorite, Perrier water. I guess I should have mentioned that Persons 1 through 12 were business leaders.... guess what is Person's 1 business. I guess as long as I live in Puerto Rico, I have a great motivation not to touch a Coke ever again...and I love drinking the stuff in a glass full of ice, and the bubblier the better. I said goodbye as soon as I confirmed I was right. What a shame.

The other people on the list, some are Trash companies, lawyers, business tycoons, and other idiots of industry. I think they are as guilty as the pig who took the money, and if he is charged, the least the Feds should have done, is make it impossible for these people to operate companies in any American territory. But nothing will happen to them... and that is sad.

There is something really wrong with our justice system, where getting the bad guy automatically means letting go of the other imbeciles. They should all pay. If they are confessing, a lessser sentence should be imposed, liscences revoked, lawyers disbarred. They should not get off and continue to take our money. In fact, in the case of the bottling companies and the lawyers, their clients or business associates should remove them from their business. God knows, I will have a hard time buying a Coke or a Sprite again. I will probably do a little research of the country I visit to make sure that the bottling company is not involved in any unlawful or questionable activities.

For now, it makes me happy to know that I have a great incentive to win the bet. Unfortunately, no ice cream companies were involved in the scandal, and the weather in PR is in the 90's this week. That leaves me wide open to sheer will power. I will keep you informed.

Keep trying.

What is eating me up?

As I commented a few weeks ago, I am having trouble sleeping. I don't really know if it is too much on my plate or not enough. I don't know if it is boredom, the economy, stress... what I know is that it is driving me nuts, and making it even harder to sleep.

Add to that the fact that I am a little sick, and it makes it worse. I can't sleep at night but then I have to sleep during the day, or I need to take a nap because I am exhausted. I need to get back on a schedule of some sort, but I am so far gone that I don't know where to start.

So today, I am sitting down with my notebook and jotting down some ideas of where I want to go, short term goals and long term goals. I am writing a plan of action and the first few action steps and I am organizing my life, one week at a time, with plenty of time for life's normal interruptions. Let's see how that works.

Keep trying.

I need to get some sleep

Ok, the only reason why I am writing is because I have not done it in a couple of days, and also because, I do need to add sleep to the equation.

I am not getting enough sleep. I don't know if I am overtly excited, tired, bored or just anxious. I don't care, but if anyone can give me suggestions so that I can sleep better, I really apreciate it.

In the meantime, check out my friend's Nomad little video called Self Esteem, important at any age.

Self esteem video from my friend Nomad.

Dale Carnegie and his secret to success

As I keep pursuing the dream of a life well lived, I came across a story about Dale Carnegie. It stated that when he was close to retiring, a man asked him what the secret to success was. Dale told the man that every day he wrote down five things on his to do list. He would not move on to number two until number one was finished. If he got distracted he would retake his list as soon as possible. Apparently, he did not go to bed until all five items on the list were finished.

I like the idea of a five step to do list. It is certainly more achievable than a twenty or thirty point to do list. So I gave it a shot. And you know what? It is harder than it looks. As I have three main goals, I decided to have three items for the personal income goal, one for my health and one for my home decoration and organizing. Today I had done four out of the five items by 3:00 PM. Yet, I find myself at 10:50 Pm trying to complete the fifth item on my list.

Life gets in the way. I think that is why there are only five points to his list. He was taking into account not only the normal day to day strife. I think he knew that procrastination could get the best of you. But there is something to be said for having four things crossed off your list and wanting to cross that last one.... I will stay awake until I finish. I am after all, a perfectionist. Maybe I finally found a plan that works for me. I will keep you posted.

High Fructose Corn Syrup - the commercials

A personal trainer I subscribe to sent a post letting us know about these commercials. I am not doing them the favor of linking them to my message or the website behind them. But when I saw the commercials, I thought it was a joke. And then I got angry, and after five minutes I started trying to find ways to let people know that sometimes you need more than facts.

Yes, HFCS is made of corn, which I guess means, it is natural, and it might even have the same calories as sugar. But that does not make it good for you. The only sugars that are good for you, are the ones that are naturally living in those fruits and vegetables you eat. If you have to add something to a product, it stops being the "natural" version. And HFCS is a processed thing, which means that at some point, a machine or a human messed with it. I believe that trumps being natural.

I gave all the people involved a simple example. R is a young, relatively healthy, 41 year old male. Last year, exactly, one year ago, he was diagnosed with diabetes. His sugar level was over 500 (that is the maximum the machine will show and his was so high the machine could not give an accurate reading). A week after, his sugar was at 350. By the way, healthy sugar level is below 100. In fact, when you wake up, before you eat, your sugar should be around 80 or less, I believe. After a month on medication to stabilize his sugar level, he was able to kick the medication with one simple change to his diet - stay away from HFCS. Even though we've had months when he exercises 3 to 4 times a week, and months when he can't, his sugar level has kept normal ranges. I think the proof is in the example.

Why is this initiative being distributed? I guess because it is a multi-billion dollar company who is beginning to feel the pressure of the consumer and decided to defend themselves. Don't let them confuse you, no sugar is really healthy. And the sugar they are talking about, that white powder that you put in your coffee in the morning, is processed. Real sugar comes from a cane, and is not good for you unless you are getting your sugar from fruits and vegetables. And the more sugar you consume, the less you taste it. Your taste buds are so full of sugar they no longer feel it. Don't give in to this tactic. Stay away from High Fructose Corn Syrup.

New week, new challenges

Today, I am posting small. Maybe later it will be bigger.

It has been an interesting week full of challenges. I decided to take a different approach, not let things bother me as much. I think God is trying to test my fortitude. We had negative behaviors in our neighborhood association, negative behaviors in my daughter's school, and a little matter of an aging parent with the kind of disease you would not wish on your worst enemy.

Except for the ailing parent thing, I think I have been able to discuss without getting too excited and seeing it for what it is, their problem, not mine. The ailing parent is mine, although the disease is his, the thought of loosing him is my problem and I have to learn to deal with it. Hopefully, in the next few days, I will see the sunshine in that as well.

Keep trying.

Answers to some tough questions

I am reading a book which, I will recommend, or not, when I finish reading it. This book asks four questions on the second chapter that I will be answering here, in public. I believe that if I am honest and straight forward, I will get more out of the experience of the book and it will validate what I am thinking and feeling as truth.

1) What is bothering me most right now?
There are several things that are bothering me right now, both physical and emotional.
I have come to realize that I am living in a very absurd society, where not one person, is willing to take responsibilities for their own situation. As I am learning now, there is your business, my business, and God's business. The problem is when your lack of concern for your business creates a situation where your negative energy can affect my business. We live in a neighborhood where it seems that there are two sides on the issues that pertain to the neighborhood and both sides are more interested in being right than they are about doing the right thing. Since I live in this neighborhood, at the end of the day, this affects my standard of living, and it is causing some stress.
The second thing that it is bothering me a little, is the education system in my country. Today, my daughter was supposed to be in a review at school for the college board exam. But the kids decided to go on strike (apparently, in my country, the only way to fix anything is by going on strike). My daughter came home and she was disappointed. That is not my problem, it is hers, but her disappointment hurts me.
The third thing that is bothering me is that I am always tired. Whether I eat right or not, sleep well or not, and exercise, or not, I still feel tired all day. I try not to lay down because if I did, I would probably sleep all day and all night. Out of the three, I realize, the only one that is my problem is the last one.
2) What do I think are the material causes? What have I tried? What works? What does not?
For the first thing, the cause is the immaturity of the members of the neighborhood in question. I am working on a letter that I will be sending the association to start observing what they are actually doing to improve the conditions of my neighborhood.
For the second one, the causes are a few ill intentioned people, the Health Department, the Water Department, the school administration and the students. Apparently this is not a new problem, but instead of letting the parents know, the kids took the law into their own hands. In the meantime, it does not seem that the administration is doing a great job.
On the third problem, the causes seem to be inadequate diet and lack of medical care. Due to our current economic situation, I hesitate to go to the doctor because right now I have no insurance and if my doctor finds something before I get the insurance, then it will be deemed a pre-existing condition and not be covered. I have tried to sleep more, eat better and exercise at least half an hour a day. It seems to be working some times.
3) What are the emotional components?
All the problems cause me stress, which makes me hiper, which probably has a hand on making me feel even more tired.
4) Is there a higher lesson? Am I taking it in or resisting?
If I was still working I would think that the higher lesson is relax and take care of less stuff. But I am not working right now. I think the lesson is still, relax and don't try to bite more than you can chew. Some times I do it right and some times I just take on even more responsibility.

Walking - not good only for the benefits of exercise

Yesterday, I took a five mile walk with the company I keep. This person offered interesting insight on my personality and helped me cleared up what I should do for the next few months. During this walk, we exercised the body and the mind and cleared some cobwebs out of mine, specifically.

I feel frustrated (like most unemployed people do from time to time). It is not a good combination to feel blue about loosing a job (it is kind of loosing a little part of yourself), feeling like things are not going well (because you live far away from anything and you have no means of transportation) and broke. It is the kind of combination of things that make you think "Oh, what the hell, I might as well have another cookie".

But you need to look beyond the sad circumstances and think more creatively. Thanks to this walk, I exposed myself to a little vitamin D, had some fresh air (walked on the beach), cleared the mind and came up with some really great ideas. That was not the only benefit. My legs got a little stronger, my cheeks got a little color and my outlook is not that gloomy. Bring it on.

And you, keep trying.

Peace, happiness...all feelings are a choice

As I prepare myself to take this blogging thing seriously, I remind myself that all feelings are a choice. On other occasions, I have talked about the accountability of a person. You choose what happens to you. It is the law of attraction. You also choose how you react to something, and you definitely choose how you feel about everything.

As I am doing more research into what motivates me, as a human being, and prepare for some big changes that are coming in my life, I remind myself...happiness is a choice. If you decide to be happy, nothing that happens around you can change that.

This weekend I was watching Oprah Winfrey's Soul Series, and a lady by the name of Byron Katie made a comment that stuck with me: there is Your business, Others business and God's business. You only have control over your own.

As I prepare to do many new things in the next few months, and plan my daughter's graduation trip, her change from high school to college, and help her in the admissions and selection process, I rejoice in the opportunity of a new beginning for her. Most people assume that I am going to get depressed and terrified because she is my only daughter and I cannot live without her. I am not sad that she is leaving, I am happy. She needs to start her own life, hopefully a happy one. But that is her problem, not mine. I am just a mother that loves her daughter. That is my reality, and as far as I can see, that is not a problem.

You choose how you feel about everything. Choose wisely and keep trying.

PS. The people in the picture are my brother (RIP), myself, and the baby that is no longer a baby and going to college next year. I am very proud of her.

Why do I keep saying that I am going to take it serously

and then I don't. I have been thinking about this for a while, and this entry might be longer than usual, but I just want to try to figure this out.

I've been coasting for the last few months. After being fired on April 30th, I decided that I was going to look for a job after coming home from my niece's graduation in May. On May 21st, we had a car accident. The car runs, barely, but the driver's side door is unable to open. This is a 1999 Sunfire, and maybe you don't know what that means. It means that the front seat has a parking break, a stick and a storage device, between the two front seats. Getting from the passenger seat to the driver seat has now become a great form of exercise. It has also caused a couple of competitions to see who can do it faster without destroying their pants or getting stuck in the process. (My personal best is 12 seconds, but I am either wearing exercise pants or jeans.) You need to keep in mind, both drivers are 200 pounds. Not an easy thing to do or see.

During this time I have been looking for work using the internet and the newspaper mostly, but I am not getting any callbacks. I am sad and relieved at the same time. Getting in the car is a pain, getting out of it is embarassing, and the crisp, tropical weather makes both things impossible without sweating profusely and ruining your makeup. Did I mention that the car's air conditioner, along with the cooling system, are dead?

I had decided that getting a job was second to making an opportunity from home. However, just like my exercise routine, I can't get a headstart. I have been procrastinating, my office is a mess, and none of my ideas are fully developed yet. So I decided to take a step back, last month, to figure out what the problem was. And then life got in the way.

Today I decided to clear the top of my desk, if it is the last thing I do, organize my work materials and figure out two things:
1) What do I really want to do with my health and body
2) What do I really want to do from home, or ouside, or better yet, to earn my keep.

It has been four hours since I woke up. I do not sleep a lot nowadays, I went to bed way after midnight last night. But I did read, either last night or today, something that caught my attention. I get this e-zine every day and the main man on it wrote a message that asked the question: are you an information user or an information junkie? I don't know, I read the article carefully and feel conflicted. I have a million books in my house. I like to read. I want to read all of them. I have purchased a few information programs. I have used them with limited results. I decided to take the quiz to make sure. The results, inconclusive. The quiz stated that if I was an information junkie, I would score an 8 or more. I scored a seven, due mainly because one of the questions said something about purchasing an info product that cost $1000 or more. If I have to be perfectly honest, the only reason why I have not done that is because I don't have the money. So now what? How do I feel? Was this a great insight? What's going on in this mess in my head?

I really don't know. I have a lot of information, ideas, thoughts and feelings all scrambled inside my head. The difference with me is, I have no idea where to start or what to do with all of it. So I decided that maybe if I take one step at a time, any step, I will find my way. Ok, then here it goes.

For my health and body: I am going to my personal fitness site - you know the kind, you pay a fee and you have access to a personal trainer's group. I am going to sit down for an hour and add to the chat rooms, get a little support and print the menu and the exercise routine for tomorrow (Sunday is my day off from exercise, although I walk on Sundays for stress relieve). I am going to sit down after that and make a list of possible topics to have on my blog this week. And then I am going to gather some info from another site that I participate from - this one is free because I have several exercise videos from this company.

For my work at home or anywhere idea: for the third time this year, I am going to revamp my resume. I am going to send it to at least five places this week. I am also going to set the deadline for reading the last info product I purchased. I will finish reading (just reading, not doing anything yet) on Friday, and then I will take one step by Friday also.

Why am I going so simple? Because maybe if I start anything at all, I will find my momentum and do more than I have in the last few months. Keep trying.

Bullies, what they do to your health and well being.

I just saw a commercial for something called online bullying, something about talking trash on the internet because it is anonymous and people not having the balls to say it to your face.

I have been bullied all my life. When I was in middle school, the coolest kid in the class used to call me "witch" because I was so ugly. Back then, he was not considered a bully, he was just considered cute. I used to have a crush on said bully, so I did not protest either. At the end of 7th grade, I slapped him twice and told him never to call me a witch again....I also reminded him that as a close, personal friend, I had a lot of dirt on him. He stopped.

When I went to high school, I moved to a new town, Dorado,PR. The kids there hated me, tried to run me over with their cars, threw baskets of eggs at my house, called me "Pelua" and did a whole bunch of things to me. Eventually I ignored them, at least in public, but in private, I cried myself to sleep every night, until I discovered a whole bunch of boys who thought I was cute, and they helped me get even.

Now as an adult, I find out that again, I am being bullied by an old high school friend. But you know what? There is a cliche that applies to this situation: they cannot bully you around, unless you let them.

The truth is, your health and your well being can only be affected by one person, you. If you let them get to you, it is not their fault, it is yours. Don't let them win.

I have spent a long time blaming others for my unhappiness...they called me fat, they said I was ugly, they said I am stupid. In the end, it is only truth if you believe it. And if you believe it, they win.

Keep trying.

Health, nutrition and exercise

Today I decided to start a new routine. Although I am exercising a minimum of one hour a day, three days a week, I decided that was not enough. I have been paying for a membership to a health and exercise site for months, seems logical that I should actually try to work out based on what I get from this place.

The site belongs to a famous tv coach, who is well known for her kick ass, take no prisoners type of training. I absolutely love her and I like her because she was fat, and then she lost weight and became a trainer. Although she is too young to know what I am going through at 41, she knows that changing health habits is not easy.

I actually took a look at her meal plan and with some tweaking, I made it more palatable to myself, and had to break some meal choices in half since I do six meals a day, and she does four. But I was able to set up a structure in writing, which includes more exercise and better nutrition. So far today, I had two meals already. I'm not going to lie, they looked very small on the plate, but I am shocked at how satisfied I feel. This is very easy.

My interest in her workouts was the actual exercise. I decided not to concentrate so much on a number on the scale, and focus more on a size of clothing (9-10), a specific look (more strong, healthy and muscular as opposed to chubby), and a feeling (vibrant and awake as opposed to tired and barely awake). I will keep you posted.

Keep trying.

Truly important things in life

For the last couple of weeks, I have been pondering what the really important things are in life. I have been so obsessed with my weight that I have not counted all the blessings that I do have. I am the mother of the most beautiful, talented and intelligent person I know. I am married to a wonderful man and excellent father. I am a homeowner, I have a BA in Marketing and most people say that I am really smart. I have all my extremities, both my eyes and ears, I can smell and taste and most of the time I can feel things. I am "normal" by most standards.

I was reminded a few days ago how shallow people are some times, and how we some times become even more shallow. Just when I was starting to make peace with the person I am today, weight and all, people make comments about my hair, my earrings (or lack of), my choice of clothes, and everything else. As I believe, like Mary Poppins, that I should never explain anything, I should be happy and move on. But I needed to get some things off my chest and none of the people involved in this little incident read this (although I wish they would), so here I go.

First of all, the average person bases their point of view on their own experience. This is the easiest way to explain why some people think I am negative, even on days when I am happy. I don't have time to sit and be stupid happy all day, sorry, that is not me. I have been chastised about the earring thing all my life, and the joke is, I actually love earrings. Unfortunately, depending on the alloy used, I tend to get allergic reactions, even from jewelry that is supposed to be not allergenic (or however you say that). More often than not I avoid them, because I don't want to be scratching my earlobes off for a week or two. Kill me for thinking about my convenience. I chopped my hair off because I sweat a lot, and I live in a tropical island. If my husband would allow me, I would have gone bald. But that was the only thing he begged me not to do, and I decided to please him. Again, this is a convenience issue and not the crazy antics of a depressed woman. Excuse me for thinking, again, about my own convenience.

Ironically enough, I was accused of wearing no make up to an occasion when I was wearing more make up than I usually do. However, I had gone to work that day at 3:00 AM in the morning, and I looked tired....really, I would think that the fact that I fell asleep on the way there would have tipped you off. Finally, this is the one thing I want to say about all this. If you spent a couple of hours talking about my hair, my make up, my earrings or my looks, your life is more pathetic than mine. Because most of my decisions are based out of convenience and take a few minutes to make. But the fact that you actually took the time, not only to notice it but to bitch about it for 2 minutes or two hours, only goes to show that your life is so empty, you have nothing better to do than bash people that are not even present to defend themselves. And that, to me, is even more pathetic than the fact that I did not wear earrings to a lunch date, or that my hair annoys you. GET A LIFE, and let me enjoy mine.

There, now that I got it all out of my system, I feel much better. But now, for my honest opinion on the topic. After the anger gave way to laughter, I can truly say, that I could care less about what people think about me. If they are not taking the time to talk to me, instead of behind my back, they can think what they want, because they are not my friends. And to those friends who told me what end was up, I truly do appreciate your concern. But the fact of the matter is, I am not unhappy or depressed, I do things for myself, and not for others to approve, and if you love me, you either take me as I am, or you let me be...which is what I usually do about what I think about you. LOVE YA.

Returning to basic: what is the goal and the motivation

I need to take this seriously if I want to succeed. And in order to succeed I need to remember why I started this to begin with. The motivation: a six week trip to Italy in the summer of 2009. My goals for the next 12 months are simple:
1) To spend as much time as possible with my daughter since this is her last year of high school, so that next year I can release her to the world without feeling overwhelm or guilty for what I did not do.
2) To loose 5 pounds a month for the next 10 months so that I go to Italy weighting 150 pounds (or less).
3) To bring my credit score to over 700, which is where it was before I purchased the house and my debt to income ration went nuts.

It is very easy to forget that everything I do is in order to accomplish one of those goals. So I need to sit back and remember why I did this, and in the process, go back to the way my life should be.

A lot of people think that being negative and saying no is the same thing. Lately, I have been saying no to a lot of things. It has nothing to do with being negative, it has everything to do with being able to accomplish my goals. Women, specially Latin women, have a tendency to say yes to everything and then complain that they have too much going on. I learned that the hard way. Now, I pick and choose what I say yes to, and in the process, I set limits on what I will and will not do. It is really simple, if the action does not help one of those three goals, the answer is NO.

Keep trying.

The lesson learned in taking my time

This week I did not play tennis. I walked one day this week, so far. I did my arm exercise routine once this week. I live in a town that is going through some Water Company restructuring, which means that the water supply has been limited. It is ninety something degree weather and I don't know when we have water or not so I try to sweat as little as possible.

In essence, I had to take is slow this week. I needed that. It seems that even though I am not working right now, I am more stressed than ever. I am studying for a college application test, working on starting an online business, looking for part-time work, fixing my credit, fixing my car, fixing myself....doing, doing, and more doing. Where is the joy in that?

This week I had to take it slow because I had a bad wrist and the problem with the water supply. Today I realized that I have enjoyed this week more than most. I was able to go through my wardrobe and get ready for the season, I read some magazines, finished a couple of books and actually ate at home more often than not. Life has been good this week. Even with the short water supply, I have managed to wash four loads of laundry. I have done some things that I truly like and have made life changing decisions, like getting rid of a "friend" that was draining my energy or instead of pouncing on an inept Education Board member, write a letter, let it rest and now work on a strategy to improve my daughter's education system. Life is challenging, but if you don't take a step back every once in a while, you miss all the opportunities.

Oh, and by the way, I have not gained a pound this week. So the rest did not become a mayor setback, except for maybe my backhand. Keep trying.

Challenges are a part of life

Last week I hurt my left wrist. Not a good thing when you are left handed. I had to stop playing tennis and I have a hard time driving, writing or anything else. But I needed to keep doing what I love, so here I am.

Challenges are there for a reason, to test how much you want it. On Monday I walked for about 20 minutes. In the Puerto Rico heat, that was enough. Today I did a 15 minute arm workout. It might not seem like a lot, but I am trying to build strength in my muscles slowly, in order to make up for the lack of exercise.

Writing hurts a little though, so I might not do that as much for the next seven to ten days. But I can assure you, I will find ways to work out, because that is what I want, health.

Keep trying.

Keep trying - why is it important

Every time I write a post, the last line says, keep trying. Do you know why this is so?

Many times we start a new workout routine or a new diet, or make healthy changes. More often than not, we do not see changes right away. In my particular situation, I have only seen a couple of pounds in over six months. Changes, like beauty, are in the eye of the beholder.

One day I was taking a shower, absent minded as usual. When I was soaping up my legs, I noticed something. My calves were like rocks. I mean, really, you could not carve better calves out of marble. That was the first time, in over six months that I actually noticed my calves. And then, I noticed other things.

I am not as tired as I used to be. When I go play tennis with my friends, I actually last longer, and my body hurts less. I am in a very grumpy mood if I don't do anything "athletic" one day. My arms are looking better, my skin is great and I am hungry for real food ALL the time.

So, I only lost two pounds. But health wise, I feel like a new person. In fact, my back does not hurt as much when I get out of bed. I used to crawl out of bed because I could not stand up. It is amazing how good I feel compared to last year. But I only lost two pounds. Who cares? The reason why I say keep trying is because it is true that the longer you keep at it, the more possibilities that you see and feel the results, and isn't that better than a number on the scale?

Keep trying.

Hope for things to come

Yesterday was a busy day. I added several elements to my routine, specifically, a glutes workout. It is less than 10 minutes long and it will be included at least twice a week. It is intended to develop the butt muscles and that should make the fat look smaller and not as bad.

We did our usual 3 mile walk yesterday. We settled on some goals. Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays are for Tennis. Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays (or Sundays) for walking. Tomorrow we will add a morning routine to our workouts. Things are looking up for my workout routine.

In my heart of hearts, I know that I am now working out for health and not for weight loss. The benefits of the workouts might include some weight loss, but that is not the goal. Plus, I am trying to enjoy the workouts, instead of having to go through them. This is an improvement over previous attempts of including exercise into my life. And this is something I hope I can pass on to my daughter, to do it for her health, the rest is not as important.

Keep trying.

Lessons from Randy Pausch

"Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want".

"Brick walls are there for a reason: they let us prove how badly we want things".

Randy Pausch and what his legacy means to me

Yesterday night, as I due every couple of weeks, I checked out Randy Pausch's site and found out that he died on Friday morning. I do not like to read the news, all that negativity is not good for the soul. But that bit of information made me cry. My reaction was that of someone who knew Randy. The truth is, I did not. However, like millions of others, I did see the Last Lecture.

This man was an inspiration to many people. The lecture is about fulfilling your dreams. But it is also about hope and the frailty of life. He was only six years older than me when he passed away. But in his lifetime, he had done so much. And he made every day count.

So now I sit here and think about the fact that I've been talking about not sweating the small stuff in the last couple of days. I also sit here and pray for Randy's wife and three children. But I am also happy in a strange way. You see, Randy Pausch did something that most people don't get to do: he lived to see his legacy. He got to see the impact his last lecture had on people. He got a chance to make some special memories for his children. He prepared, as best he could, for the day that he was no longer going to be there. And for that, we are all greatful. Rest in peace Randy.

And if there ever was a time when my usual last comment is valid, this would be it: keep trying.

Check out Randy Pausch Last Lecture - press here.

The strength of will

This week has been very productive for the blog and for me. I've posted several times this week. I got back on the bike for 15 minutes, three times this week. I started belly dancing again. I walked quite a bit. I discovered that organizing my day on a list worked, I am averaging 80% accomplished. I am having a good week, and I also had some epiphanies.

1) I am what I look like - if I want to feel better, I should look better. I am not talking about fancy clothes or a ton of make up. I am talking about simple things, like posture, keeping my hair short (because I hate brushing my hair and now you can't tell), wearing earrings and breathing. Yes, it is amazing how much we hold our breath in a single day.

2) Eat 6 meals a day and you will not feel hungry (most of the time). I have only being doing this for two weeks, and it is true that I am concentrating on quantity first to then go to extreme quality. But I've had more fruits and veggies this week than usual. I started eating salmon again and I am drinking more water than ever (and I have always drank a lot of water).

3) Read a lot and enjoy it more. I have always loved to read. But with life getting in the way, I rarely read for entertainment. Now, I only ask to be able to read one chapter a day of a novel. And I am doing very well. Which brings me to my next point...

4) Do a little bit at a time and you will get more done. On my daily list I go by chapters, not try to finish the whole book in two days. Granted, tomorrow is a lazy day, so I will probably read more, but if you break things into really small parts, you can get more done in a weekly basis. I have heard and read all the experts talk about this, but I had never been able to break things in chunks that were comfortable for me. Now I understand how to tailor good ideas to my lifestyle. And it is really encouraging to see how much I am getting done.

5) Do what works for you. There are many good ideas out there. Like the Dalai Lama says "take what you can use and let go of the rest". I'm sure he did not say it like that but the point is, you take advice or ideas or whatever it is, you tailor it to your needs and whatever does not work, discard it. You need to find what works for you. For example, I am not big on going in public right now to exercise. I am very self conscious of looking ridiculous and being clumsy. So, I am well stocked with every possible exercise video and machine I like, and little bit at a time, I am incorporating them into my day. When I feel more relaxed, I can take a class or two. My immediate goal: to loose 20 pounds so I can sign up for spinning classes close to home. Let's see how that goes. I will keep you posted.

Keep trying.

Whatever image issue you have, is all in your head

Today I was concerned because I was going to an event and was feeling ugly and fat. Then it hit me that the people at this event did not know me when I was skinny. To them I was just another middle aged mom with a little extra weight and very little wrinkles. So why not try to make that person look the best she could look? I put on a red shirt (which makes me look very lively), got a great hat (for sun protection), wore my best jeans and my cutest shoes and was out the door.

Image is all in the head. We spend too many hours trying to look like super models we see in magazines when they don't even look like that all the time. We see a beautiful woman on the street and we want to emulate her. Why? We need to find our own beauty. Define our own strengths.

When I was young, my best feature was my legs. I am short, but my legs were beautiful. I let them go because as I got fatter, they lost their beautiful shape. As of right now, my lower legs look and feel amazing (because of all the walking and exercises that I do) but from the knee up, not so much. So what am I doing? Looking for exercises that will help reshape that area and showing off the lower legs whenever I can. It makes me feel good when people notice them, but it makes me feel even better when I take care of them and make them look fabulous.

Don't waste any more time comparing yourself to other people. If you cannot find many strengths in yourself, look for one. You might have great eyes, or a beautiful neckline, or great skin. Emphasize the one good thing you have on the outside and use all the good things that you have on the inside to get people to notice YOU.

I realize that I am talking about looks and it is a little hypocritical of the person that believes that the inside is what counts. But lately I have come to realize that it is the total package that matters. If you feel good about the image you are showing (and I am not talking about expensive outfits or shoes, but about the traits that make you unique), you will glow. That attracts people to you. Then your personality will keep them glued to you. It is that simple.

Keep trying.

Short term savings might lead to health crisis in the future

I read somewhere that the recent economic crisis was having a negative impact on the obesity of America. That also holds true for other countries. The simple equation is:

less money = more fat

In essence, people are cutting costs at home by purchasing the wrong foods, thinking that they can survive the economic crunch. As always, humans thinking in the short term and completely ignoring the long term effects of their actions.

I have no problem spending more money on food and making sure that it is high quality. I believe that as the years go by, people might understand more and more what I mean. Yes, it is true that if you purchase cheaper food now, you might save a couple of bucks. But five or ten years from now, you are going to spend a lot more money on medications and treatments that you could have avoided if you pick your groceries based on freshness and quality instead of cheap and plenty.

Another thing that I noticed is how people think that they are saving money by shopping in two or three different supermarkets. They are not considering the money they are spending on gas or the stress that they are causing in their lives by going for two or three shopping trips instead of one. Maybe people should consider the possibility on making different trips on different weeks. The idea of several trips is also bad for the environment, which again, will revert in more expensive things later on.

As more information is gathered about the foods we eat and the types of diseases it generates, we must focus on health now, and try cutting costs in other areas, like maybe getting a bike instead of driving a car, or walking to the shopping court close to home. Those changes will give you more money in your pocket, will help the environment and will make you healthier.

Keep trying.

New haircut, bad attitude, a beginning

Yesterday I decided to chop all my hair off. I left the hair salon with about 1/4 inch hair on my scalp. Today, after looking at myself in the mirror, for the 100th time, I realized I have too many gray hairs. They upset me, not because they are gray, but because they make me look frumpy. Today, at some point, I shall eliminate them.

When I got my haircut, I felt free. No more worrying about hairdos, and the sweating, the not looking polished. Then it hit me than in order to look like a girl, I have to wear makeup and earrings... not my favorite things. But in a very weird way, I would rather do that, than brush my hair and see it all disappear after the first wind hits me. Isn't that weird? A woman who has never liked to put makeup on, is looking forward to spending too many minutes in front of the mirror, trying to look good. That would probably be because, I am doing it for me, not for anyone else. That is priceless to me.

The haircut did not get the reaction I expected. That came with a price. I did not want to leave the house last night. In fact, I did not want to leave the house today. The thing about having a bad attitude is that you miss out on a lot of great things because of it. So, today, after feeling sorry for myself for a few hours, I am walking to the movie theater to watch a movie, sporting my new hairdo and smiling all the way there. If the endorphins don't get to me, the change in attitude will.

I explained the New haircut...I explained the bad attitude, now for the beginning. Yesterday I started, yet again, a list of things to do today. I called it the Accomplishments. I am doing pretty well so far. Instead of concentrating on the fact that I did not wake up at 6:30 AM as planned, I am celebrating that I did wake up at 7:00 AM, and so far, all the things on the list from 7 - 10 AM are done. I did a couple of things that were supposed to be done later in the day in order to find the half hour I lost and try to stick to the list. Tomorrow I will have yet another list, and I will keep doing it until it becomes a habit (in say, 90 days). In theory, 90 days create a habit. In theory, you should work with what works for you, no matter what anyone says.

A little while back, someone told me that I should not make lists or try to follow a schedule. The result of that was that I have wasted two months of my life and I am at a point in my life when enjoying life means getting more things done, not less. Yesterday I wrote down what I wanted to do today. From now on, if this is what works for me, this is what I am going to do. I apologize if that is not the way other people do things, but I like to see where I'm going instead of trying to wing it. I hope all affected understand.
Keep trying.

2.8 is a beautiful number

2.8 is the amount in pounds of my weight loss after the first week on my new strategic eating plan - six small meals a day at 7,10,1,4,7 10. I did not concentrate on quality, only on eating at the proper times and listening to my body in order to not overeat. The result, I lost 2.8 pounds in one week.

I understand that according to those in the know, 1 or 2 pounds a week is appropriate and healthy, but I don't believe in cookie-cutter answers. It sounds to me as ridiculous as drinking 8 glasses of water a day, no matter your size. It just does not make sense to me and let me tell you why. A person that weights 400 pounds and goes into a sensible eating plan, like six meals a day, and starts doing 10 minutes of walking a day (because that is how much they can do before they feel like they are going to drop dead) will probably loose more than 2 pounds a week in the beginning. Watch the "Biggest Looser" and you will understand what I mean. If you do all this and get regular checkups from your doctor, I am sure that you will find this to be your new reality until your body gets used to it and then you need to add more exercise or make sure that you are eating the healthiest food combinations possible.

Now I am not saying that because I weighted 205 pounds last Friday, there is a set number of pounds that I can loose. I am just celebrating the obvious joy of loosing a little bit more than I thought I would. And, let's be honest. I would not mind at all if I keep on loosing 2.8 pounds a week for the next 10 or 20 weeks. I would get back to my goal weight in no time if that was possible. We will just have to keep averaging our weight loss and keep an eye on it.

Keep trying.

Changing your eating habits

I play tennis at least twice a week, with a good friend of mine. This Tuesday, we were talking about eating habits. This would be a good time to mention that my girlfriend is 5' nothing and weights 140 (or so she says). I really don't see any fat in her but she feels she could loose about 20 pounds. That is why she walks an hour every morning and plays tennis at least 5 times a week.

As we are discussing improvements in play and lifestyle, we get into the subject of eating habits. She tells me that if I get into a schedule (6 meals a day at the hours of 7,10,1,4,7 and 10) I should start seeing a difference and that my body is acting out because it feels like it is always on starvation mode. I tell her that when my niece leave on Monday, I will start. Then she proceeds to give me "THE SPEECH".

We all know "the speech". It is when someone gives you a lecture on something that you know well and that you hate getting a speech on. This one was about starting now and not when life is "perfect". And of course, I mentioned that when I quit smoking I just did it. But now, I wanted life to be a little more balanced.

When I got home, I started thinking about "THE SPEECH". And you know what? Too many times we wait for perfect conditions, a better schedule, or a lighter workload, or Monday...whatever, in search of the "perfect" time to do things right, and then, we never get around to it.

So, guess what? Yesterday, I started eating on a schedule. I did not concern myself so much with whether or not it was completely healthy ( although I included yogurt and fruits in my choices). What I was most concerned with was making sure that I got my body used to eating at certain times of the day, and controlling portions based on how full I felt when it was time to eat.

The day was fantastic. I look forward to many days like that. So should you. Keep trying.

Holiday - and I am up early

I have been trying to take my body back to the original internal clock, which was about 7 AM to 11 PM. This week I have been making it pretty regularly. The first three days of the week, I was in bed by 10 PM and I would wake up at different times, between 5:40 and 6:10 AM. Yesterday I went to bed close to midnight and woke up at 10 to 8 AM. All in all, not a bad week.

Today, however, it is 4th of July. I could have slept in, but I want to keep going and re-training my body. I am looking forward to spending a day in a bikini, in traffic, going to a cool hangout with some old friends...well, everything except for the bikini part. I am nowhere near the size I need to be to wear a bikini. Nothing that a good, long, t-shirt cannot solve. Ironically, when I was 16 and had a great body, it spent most of the summer under a t-shirt as well. Back then I was embarrassed about my curves.... I guess some things never change.

So why am I saying all this. For one, simple reason. No matter where you are in life, or how you feel, don't let that stop you from enjoying each and every day, embarrassment or not. We only get one chance to enjoy the 4th of July of 2008, after that, this day is gone. Enjoy it!!!
Keep trying.

There has to be an easier way to adjust your internal clock

Here I am, on the second day of my new experiment. For those who know me personally, I have been complaining about my internal clock being out of whack since I started the graveyard shift 6 months ago. I stopped working in May, but I was still staying awake past 11:00 PM. I decided to do a little experiment. For the last couple of days I have been getting up early, not taking a nap and going to bed at 10:00 PM. It seems to be working. It is 9:49 PM and I am so tired I can barely keep my eyes open.

Last night I went to bed at 10:00 PM and today I woke up at 5:45 AM. I am not going to lie. I was dead tired when I woke up, and there were a couple of times during the day that I wanted to just take a nap, but I persisted. I figured that if I keep this up, eventually I will go back to my normal 6:00 AM to 11:00 PM routine without any clocks or alarms. Wish me luck!
Keep trying.

Working out is really hard?

Yesterday I went to play tennis with my friends. They beat the tar out of me. This is the first time I go to play and I am sore the next morning.

I do not believe that exercise has to hurt. I know that I will be sore when I use muscles I have not used in a while, but not in pain. That is not the idea and some scientist are with me on that. And even though I do not play well, I love playing tennis. If I am happy, it is good exercise. If I am upset, it is an effective way of dealing with stress. It does not hurt that the courts near my friend's house are in front of the beach, adding a little more ambiance to the scene.

Last night, I was so tired, I even forgot to comment on my thoughts. It is interesting how a decision can impact so many areas of your life. I decided to exercise for health and not for weight. And now, it is harder for me to say no to exercise. Today I have three options: I can go play tennis again, I can go walk 3 1/2 miles, or I can stay home and do NOTHING. I am going to pick one of the first two, and the reason is simple. When I was exercising for weight loss, I really did not care if I missed a workout. I would just go and do more the next day. But now, I am working for my health, and every little bit helps. Does that make sense? What do you think?

Keep trying.

Law school - is that even a possibility?

Today I was confronted, head first, with a dream I've had since childhood. In passing, I mentioned to some friends that I wanted to go back to school. One of them said that she had been playing with the idea of law school...and the s... hit the fan!

I have wanted this since I was five. Am I really crazy enough to try law school?

YES!!! This life is about taking chances and trying things out of your comfort zone. I've wanted this more than anything in the world. Why the hell not? If I don't at least try to get in, am I going to spend the rest of my life regretting it? I don't know about you, but I am tired of looking from the sidelines while all my friends make their own dreams come true.

I guess what I am saying is, that I am going to study because I am taking the LSAT.

Keep trying.

Setbacks

Today I had several setbacks, including arguments... funny thing about setbacks is that a few months ago I would have drowned my sorrows in a pack of Kisses, a bag of Milano double stuffed cookies and a gallon of ICE CREAM.

This time, I went for my three mile walk anyway. It cleared my head, and tomorrow, I can decide what to do about the people that pissed me off. Today, I am going to bed on time, without regrets because I was good. Keep trying.

Slow but steady

Yesterday, I went for a 3 1/2 mile walk that I love to do in the afternoon. It was about 6 PM and my companion and I were talking about the current affairs of the area where we live. We live in a beach town and since it was Sunday, there was a lot of traffic, and a lot of people running around, enjoying the beach and having a good time. They seldom care for the property of the townspeople, which is why some people hate all those "unknowns" running around in their neighborhoods. I figure, if you live in a beach town, you know what the risks are so "grin and bear it". Besides, in a slow economy, at least the businesses are doing well with all the food and drinks those people are buying, so why complain?

As wonderful as the walk was, I felt short of breath during most of the walk. I am working out almost every day, so it was not lack of exercise. I quit smoking over a year ago, so that was not the problem either. There was a lot of cars around, but only for part of the walk, the other half was through a serene area. The problem was something called the Sahara dust. It is one of those things that happen in this world full of climate changes and geographical mysteries. It made me short of breath yesterday, and today I was hopeless. I might as well stay inside today and avoid the same fate.

Staying home allowed me to concentrate on some priorities. The most important priority for me right now, apart from improving my health, is organizing my work area. As I write this now, I am surrounded by paperwork that needs to be filled, books to be read, ideas to be worked on, fans (it is hot in the tropics) and so many articles and pictures that I ripped from magazines to serve as inspiration. The day today seems to have no logic, purpose or accomplishments. But in the process of filing old bills, checking new magazines, organizing my ideas and the contents of those articles, I am moving closer, not only to the goal of organizing my work area, but also to organizing my life. In the end, that is part of the master plan.

So, if the day seems to be slow and you are not getting a lot done, and your health is not the best, do as much as you can and understand that every little bit helps. And who knows, maybe seing the little victories will ispire you to do some bigger ones. Keep trying.

It is important to have a master plan and follow it

The last couple of months have been very hectic. I had a meltdown, caused, among other things, by my decision to work the night shift. That was a bad idea. It created what I can only describe as a meltdown, mentally, physically. I was exhausted, I could not concentrate and my house and my life was suffering the consequences.

Then, as I had a medical excuse for two weeks from a real doctor, the company fired me because they did not understand the medical excuse. Oh, and by the way, I was fired by email. I know that it is the new millennium but a word of advice for all company owners, have the balls to fire people in person. If it is a telecommuting job and you are thousands of miles away, like in my case, call me until you find me and then fire me. It is bad form to fire someone through email.

The next few weeks were a blur, but included a car crash and a trip to Atlanta, where I saw my gorgeous niece graduate from high school. And then I came back home. With no job and the obvious depression after the layoff, I was out of sorts for a while. Then a couple of things happened that changed everything.

1) My significant other and I had a conversation where we discussed the actual, real possibility of me creating a small company from home. Right now his income can cover most of our expenses. We just have to tighten our belts and be resourceful.

2) I spent Friday reading an e-zine I receive every day, Early to Rise. I highly recommend it. I was reading all the mailings since before I was fired and a thought kept coming back: find what you love to do and figure out a way of making a living out of it. Well, the only thing I KNOW I love more than anything (well, anything except chocolate) is reading. So why can't I make a living reading and writing. The concept for my company started to take shape - a research company. I can take projects based on what people want to research. If you are working on a tight deadline and have no time to research a certain management model, I am your gal. If you are trying to figure out what colleges to send your kid to, but are not sure on where they teach Animal Sciences (we are talking Zoology for the wild animal lovers here, not Veterinary Sciences), I can do the research for you. Ok, the truth is that particular research I am working on right now because that is what my daughter wants to study and that is how I found out that in order to be an expeditioner studying the habitat of wild wolves, requires a college degree that is a little different from the veterinary sciences. The point is that I can take on projects that refer to what I am interested in (which is a lot of stuff) and say no to those that I have no knowledge or interest in. That guarantees a good job and I stand by what I do proudly.

3) My family is backing me up on this particular venture.

4) I also kept reading that you should try out your ideas, even if they are not perfect yet. I understand the concept. You spend so much time trying to make it perfect that you never get anywhere. You spend too much time on the details and you don't take the plunge. That is not going to happen to me anymore.

This is the plan. I am going to concentrate on a master plan that makes me happy. That will include several key concepts: my health, my happiness and my wealth. And I hope you decide to follow me on this adventure. Have a great day and keep trying.

I found something useful - keys to live life now

I receive a lot of emails about health and fitness, because one of my goals is that once I conquer my demons, I would like to help others do the same. One of my favorites is a guy called Matt Furey. He is funny, irreverent and sends some pearls of wisdom.

I do not always keep up with my emails and so once a month I take one of my files and read two or three months worth of emails (one of my goals for this year is to actually empty all my folders so that I can read things when they arrive, but that is another subject). I found this message from Matt about the 6 Keys to Living Now. I reprint it here with his permission and include his link, for your enjoyment.

6 Keys to Living NOW

Hi Rox,
Here are 6 health secrets that will put you in
the present moment - giving you peace of mind.

1. When you go to sleep at night - sleep as if this is
the last time you will ever have the opportunity.

2. When you arise in the morning - push away from
the bed and immediately begin to move your body.
Leave your bed behind the same way you would
discard a pair of worn socks.

3. When speaking to someone - give him or her the
feeling there is no one more important to whom you
will ever speak.

4. When eating, take time to taste each and every
bite.

5. While at work, focus on your breathing, observe
how you do what you do, and think of it as practice.

6. When you exercise, smile into every movement.
If you find a painful expression on your face, lighten
it.

Do these things today and for the rest of your life
and you won't go wrong.

Combat Conditioning - http://mattfurey.com/conditioning_book.html
will make it easy for you to push away from your bed each day.

I recommend Dao Zou - http://mattfurey.com/dao_zou.html - it'll
help you unwind you mind, reduce stress and increase memory and
brain power.

Kick butt - take names,

Matt Furey

P.S. What about making your bed in the morning. Tis best to get to
a position where someone does it for you :). Until then, do it
yourself. With a smile, of course.

Just so you know, I did not profit from this post. I truly believe this is great advice, and I was more than willing to pass it on for free. You are welcome to visit Matt's website, and if you do, let him know that you heard it from me. This is my way of thanking him for letting me use his speech. Keep trying.

Monday is the begining of the week?

The reason why I ask the question is because I base my week on my workweek, and on the average week, this would be my Friday. It confuses me sometimes and I know it annoys my friends, because most of them hate Mondays and I absolutely love them.

Today was a day of discoveries. I found out that not all your friends have you in the same place that you have them. For example, the love of your life might not even remember you ten years later. And that is just a fact of life. But, by the same token, a lot of people that you might think don't even know who you were back in high school, might surprise you in many ways. Not only do they remember you sometimes, but some of them have you pegged to a T, even twenty years after they last saw you.

We sometimes give ourselves too much importance, and at other times, not enough. That is why you need to give YOU the importance you deserve. That way, it will not hurt as much if someone remembers you fondly, or not at all. You can still build a new friendship, as long as both of you are interested in a friendship. If one of you is not interested, that is called stalking, and it is not a good idea. (LOL)

Just be yourself, be happy with the way you are right now, and if you want to improve something, do it for yourself, not to impress ANYONE else. Keep trying.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

I am in the process of cleaning my desk. Next Wednesday, at midnight, I have to go back to work. I have a great incentive to clear my desk, I work from home and I like to work in a comfortable setting. The way my desk unit is set up right now, NOT comfortable. I have clippings, newspapers, magazines and books EVERYWHERE. But the most interesting thing of all, I have found that question in several places today.

What do I want? In the beginning of the year I said I wanted this year to be different. One of the things I wanted to accomplish was to make a new friend, every week for the next 52 weeks, guaranteeing at least 52 new people in my life. Oddly enough, the first few weeks nothing happened. But thanks to FACEBOOK, I reconnected with some of my old friends from school, high school and elementary. And thanks to them I have done a couple of things that I have never done before, tried a couple of new restaurants, reconnected with old friends, expanded on my experience. This year already started better than any other since I got back to PR.

What else do I want? I want to finish that book I've had in my head for several years. I want to start my own little web empire. I want to save a ton of money to take Anna to Europe in the summer of 2009 and then off to college. But most important of all, for my health and my mental peace of mind, I want to loose 50 pounds this year. I have lost and gained thirteen pounds in the last couple of months. I want them to be gone for good.

Now that I know the what, tomorrow I will expand on the how. Keep trying.

Some things are better and others just are...

I have come to a point in my life when I look at things differently. I am in the process of defining what I really want out of my life for the next 40 years. Do I want to keep going where I am going? Do I want to change anything? Should I change anything? What has improved? What is the same? What is worse? Here are some answers.

I am 41 years old. I look a little tired, a lot heavier and a lot less happy than I did twenty years ago. But there are some positives in the last couple of months:
1) I started the year at a whooping 208 lbs. That is the biggest that I have ever been. Today I am 195 lbs and going down. I should be proud of the fact that I have lost thirteen pounds, even if 195 was the same weight I had all year last year. Still, I managed to loose weight and I should concentrate on the positive.
2) I feel a lot healthier than I have for the last 8 months and I am working on a comprehensive plan to improve my health and my looks. I am not going to look 20 ever again, but I can look really good for 40 and that is the goal.
3) This year I decided to move out of my comfort zone. Since I became fat I have tried to avoid social situations because I did not like for people to see me like this. I even avoided the school reunion attempts of my old school chums. This year, I decided to seek my old friends, wherever they may be and try new things and meet other people, expand my usual suspects. On Saturday, I finally went out with three of my old mates from high school. I had a great time. I also discovered some things about myself that made me think a little. I can't wait to do it again.
4) I am going to LIVE life instead of letting the years go by with me as a spectator. I am going back to playing tennis, I am going to learn to play golf and scuba diving, I am going back to school if it is the last thing that I do. I am going to start painting and drawing again and more importantly, I am going to finish that book that I've been working on for the last five years. Maybe I never print it, maybe I print it to raise funds for the Europe trip, or maybe it becomes a best seller. Either way, the point is the actual accomplishment of finishing something that is so close to my heart.
5) There is nothing better than doing something for someone else so I am taking the bone marrow test in order to become a donor. Who knows, maybe they might have a use for my marrow some day.
6) It was very funny to hear my friends say that I have always being a control freak. I thought I had developed that in my twenties, but apparently I was like that since high school. I always blamed it on the "incident" in college, or the fact that I was the last of four and always got compared to the other three. Now, I have been working on the control thing for the last two years. I let go of the bills in order for my husband and I to use a more even shared responsibility for remembering and making payments. I set out chores but do not judge if they do it the way I would do it but on whether or not it got done. I am working really hard on it and I think I have made some improvements. I also realize that some things, I am not going to let go off. I'm still the kind of person that loves punctuality (unless it is to make an ENTRANCE at a party), who likes certain things done a certain way. But if they are minor things and someone else can take responsibility for them, why should I increase my own burden by worrying about them? I'm done with always being the responsible one and then seeing things blow up in my face. Let the rest of the people around me grab the pot by the handle and make the stew. I am going to concentrate on my own personal fulfillment goals and for everything else, I am taking a break.

I will see how this newfound freedom works for me. Keep trying.

Here we go again!

I have tried and failed too many times to give up now. So after two months of false starts and stops, it seems this week I am finally getting back on the exercise wagon again. I actually got wet in the rain while walking yesterday, and do not have a fever or any signs of the flu coming back. Great!
I am alternating between workouts inside and outside the house for greater flexibility in time of exercise and options. For example, today was a rainy day. I did some stationary bike and glider exercises. Tomorrow, if it is sunny, I will walk another three miles.
I am also taking my lunch break to a new level by doing some cardio before I even have breakfast. The effect is excellent. I have more energy when I go back to work.
My positive mental outlook might have something to do with the fact that I am back to my starting weight, which is 195. According to some scales, I had gone up as much as 11 pounds since the beginning of the year. If not exercising kept me at 206, and I started exercising when I got back to 195, imagine what adding the exercise will do for me. Keep trying.

Does a cluttered life make you fat? or the other way around

I have come to the conclusion that the clutter in my house is a symptom of the clutter in my life. So, which one should I get rid of first? I have no idea.
Today I started this course on I-learn and managed to clear the floor of my home office. My reward was not food, and that felt great. It is the little triumphs of the day that make me a better person.
Last night I had pizza with fizzy water (brand shall remain nameless). The sparkling water was a refreshing substitute for the mandatory glass of soda. Something that I had always said WOULD never happen. So I am thinking smarter.
I started the day today with a bottle of water. I've eaten small portions more often a day. And, finally, I have lost 8 pounds since my last weight-in. (I had ballooned to an outstanding 206. I am now 198). I started walking again last week. Again, all the little triumphs. But do you notice anything?
They are all scattered things. It does not seem to be part of a cohesive plan. That is what I need to work on this week. I need to re-read the goals I set for myself and work the plan, and rework it until I get it right. Wish me luck. Keep trying.

What is up with the flu???????/

I decided to start my routine back in January, slowly. But not crawling. I've had the flu symptoms on and off now for five weeks. This is not a fun experience. The worst part is that I have not lost any weight because the flu has not affected my stomach at all. I only get sore throat, general muscle weakness, headaches, mild fevers, fluid retention in my lungs, and just the general need to sleep for hours on end. Now you all know that I am working graveyard and this flu does not help. This is the first week that I actually felt better, until I got up from my nap in the afternoon and now I can barely type this now. I am going back to bed. But I am not throwing the towel yet. I hope to start again tomorrow, and every day, for the rest of my life. Keep trying.

Illness be gone

After what felt like a century, I am now beginning to feel less tired, I have my voice back, I am not coughing that much and I feel a lot better. So, if January started with a bang, medically speaking, that only means that the year is going to get better.
The thing about getting sick is that I do not get sick a lot, but I have noticed some patterns. Some times, our bodies are telling us something and we are too busy or too stubborn to pay attention. Some people feel a sore throat, others get a headache. I have a friend who has a hard time falling asleep a couple of days before she gets sick. In my case, I was extremely tired all the time. So, instead of taking it easy, I got up one day (after a month of not doing so) and decided to go for a three mile walk. Not happy with that, I had just gotten my Ipod and decided to walk as fast as before I stopped walking (due to injury, about a month before: OK, it might have been closer to two months, the point is I was inactive). The next day I was in bed and did not get up for a week. I had the flu and I lost my voice, guaranteeing no work for that week.
Now, I feel better. I am still a little sore but I think I can start walking again and following my usual exercise routine. I am confident I will accomplish my goals for the new year, which is going to be the best ever.

Take care of your teeth

This might get a little distasteful so stay with me, I do have a point.
In the last few months a lot has been said about the connection between health and your mouth. What people don't understand is that if you don't take care of your health, you are not going to care for your teeth. Specially if you consider that the average Joe is terrified of dentists.
Recently, I started working on my own dental habits. I have been dreaming of whitening my teeth for years, but I do not want to blow my money on very white teeth that are rotten on the inside.
One of those things that I do is brush for two minutes before I go to sleep. However, there is a catch. I never understood why people flossed after they brushed because no matter how good you are at spitting out, something might stay there. So my solution was to brush for a minute, floss and then brush for another minute. And now it gets ugly. I have plaque. It is all over, but the flossing and the brushing for two minutes, they are working. I still have to go to the dentist's office for a visit. But now he thinks I take VERY good care of my teeth. Little idea does he have on what my dental habits used to be.
What is the point, take care of yourself, ALL of you, ALL the time.

Fear of failure or fear of success?

As I mentioned yesterday, I want to concentrate on why I can't seem to move forward. The biggest hurdle on this journey is FEAR.
Many motivational speakers agree that fear can be the biggest motivator. But some people seem to be paralyzed by it. Is that my case?

In my life and when it comes to goals, there are only two types of fear: fear of failure and fear of success. Let's look at both.

Failure is not an option - how many times have we heard that? It has turned into a cliché. However, most people do not want to fail. So, they would rather stay the same. Is that not failing too? The worst thing about failing is that you have to start over. But guess what? You now have an experience that you did not have before and thanks to it, you can start over with adjustments to the plan. Maybe you might even decide to start from scratch. The important thing is to keep your failure in perspective. Take what you can from the experience and then move on. A new start is a great opportunity. Failure IS a learning experience and it brings you one step closer to success.

Analyzing success is trickier. Some people do not know or they fail to acknowledge that fear of success is sometimes larger and more paralyzing than fear of failure. If you succeed, you might question your result. Why didn't I try this before? Why did I wait so long? What should I do now? Can I repeat this?

How you deal with success is almost as important as what you accomplish. It defines the type of person you are. Go ahead. Try and succeed. Once you get there, take the time to enjoy it. Then you can decide if that is enough for you or if you want something else.

I am the kind of person that loves learning and improving. After I overcome my fears, I will be able to enjoy my success and while I enjoy my accomplishments, work towards my next goal. But the time is now and the goal is ahead of me. Let's do this.

It is not lack of ambition or motivation

I have been working on improving myself for many years, and in the last year and a half I have been trying to loose weight. I am very ambitious and motivated. When I have a job, I try to give it 200%. I am talented in certain areas, just like most people have a couple of things they are really good at. So why don't I move forward? And what can I do to move beyond what I have achieved so far.
I am not looking for motivation, I already have that. I do not want the key to accomplishing my goals, I've read plenty of books on that too. What I want to analyze in the coming weeks is why, with all the skills and knowledge, some people cannot seem to move past a certain point. I don't want the key to being Oprah or Bill Gates. We've all seen their success stories. I am the kind of person that believes that a person's past does not equate their future. I believe that a person needs more than just wanting something to achieve it. I know that hard work will result in great rewards. Most importantly, I believe that wealth is not just a number of dollar bills in a bank account. Wealth encompasses what you have achieved in your life, the people that surround you and of course, the toys you have too.
I do not want to study the rich and famous to see what am I doing wrong. I also do not believe that depression has anything to do with it, although there are times that I feel sad and it is hard to get out of bed in the morning. What I want to study really carefully is why with all the skills, knowledge, guts and desire, I am not making it happen. And maybe during the process, someone might take my example and analyze themselves, without spending thousands in a doctor's office. (However, if you suffer from severe depression or other psychological or medical problems, you should still see a doctor. I am talking about the average person who just feels a little challenged by LIFE). Keep in touch.