Answers to some tough questions

I am reading a book which, I will recommend, or not, when I finish reading it. This book asks four questions on the second chapter that I will be answering here, in public. I believe that if I am honest and straight forward, I will get more out of the experience of the book and it will validate what I am thinking and feeling as truth.

1) What is bothering me most right now?
There are several things that are bothering me right now, both physical and emotional.
I have come to realize that I am living in a very absurd society, where not one person, is willing to take responsibilities for their own situation. As I am learning now, there is your business, my business, and God's business. The problem is when your lack of concern for your business creates a situation where your negative energy can affect my business. We live in a neighborhood where it seems that there are two sides on the issues that pertain to the neighborhood and both sides are more interested in being right than they are about doing the right thing. Since I live in this neighborhood, at the end of the day, this affects my standard of living, and it is causing some stress.
The second thing that it is bothering me a little, is the education system in my country. Today, my daughter was supposed to be in a review at school for the college board exam. But the kids decided to go on strike (apparently, in my country, the only way to fix anything is by going on strike). My daughter came home and she was disappointed. That is not my problem, it is hers, but her disappointment hurts me.
The third thing that is bothering me is that I am always tired. Whether I eat right or not, sleep well or not, and exercise, or not, I still feel tired all day. I try not to lay down because if I did, I would probably sleep all day and all night. Out of the three, I realize, the only one that is my problem is the last one.
2) What do I think are the material causes? What have I tried? What works? What does not?
For the first thing, the cause is the immaturity of the members of the neighborhood in question. I am working on a letter that I will be sending the association to start observing what they are actually doing to improve the conditions of my neighborhood.
For the second one, the causes are a few ill intentioned people, the Health Department, the Water Department, the school administration and the students. Apparently this is not a new problem, but instead of letting the parents know, the kids took the law into their own hands. In the meantime, it does not seem that the administration is doing a great job.
On the third problem, the causes seem to be inadequate diet and lack of medical care. Due to our current economic situation, I hesitate to go to the doctor because right now I have no insurance and if my doctor finds something before I get the insurance, then it will be deemed a pre-existing condition and not be covered. I have tried to sleep more, eat better and exercise at least half an hour a day. It seems to be working some times.
3) What are the emotional components?
All the problems cause me stress, which makes me hiper, which probably has a hand on making me feel even more tired.
4) Is there a higher lesson? Am I taking it in or resisting?
If I was still working I would think that the higher lesson is relax and take care of less stuff. But I am not working right now. I think the lesson is still, relax and don't try to bite more than you can chew. Some times I do it right and some times I just take on even more responsibility.

Walking - not good only for the benefits of exercise

Yesterday, I took a five mile walk with the company I keep. This person offered interesting insight on my personality and helped me cleared up what I should do for the next few months. During this walk, we exercised the body and the mind and cleared some cobwebs out of mine, specifically.

I feel frustrated (like most unemployed people do from time to time). It is not a good combination to feel blue about loosing a job (it is kind of loosing a little part of yourself), feeling like things are not going well (because you live far away from anything and you have no means of transportation) and broke. It is the kind of combination of things that make you think "Oh, what the hell, I might as well have another cookie".

But you need to look beyond the sad circumstances and think more creatively. Thanks to this walk, I exposed myself to a little vitamin D, had some fresh air (walked on the beach), cleared the mind and came up with some really great ideas. That was not the only benefit. My legs got a little stronger, my cheeks got a little color and my outlook is not that gloomy. Bring it on.

And you, keep trying.

Peace, happiness...all feelings are a choice

As I prepare myself to take this blogging thing seriously, I remind myself that all feelings are a choice. On other occasions, I have talked about the accountability of a person. You choose what happens to you. It is the law of attraction. You also choose how you react to something, and you definitely choose how you feel about everything.

As I am doing more research into what motivates me, as a human being, and prepare for some big changes that are coming in my life, I remind myself...happiness is a choice. If you decide to be happy, nothing that happens around you can change that.

This weekend I was watching Oprah Winfrey's Soul Series, and a lady by the name of Byron Katie made a comment that stuck with me: there is Your business, Others business and God's business. You only have control over your own.

As I prepare to do many new things in the next few months, and plan my daughter's graduation trip, her change from high school to college, and help her in the admissions and selection process, I rejoice in the opportunity of a new beginning for her. Most people assume that I am going to get depressed and terrified because she is my only daughter and I cannot live without her. I am not sad that she is leaving, I am happy. She needs to start her own life, hopefully a happy one. But that is her problem, not mine. I am just a mother that loves her daughter. That is my reality, and as far as I can see, that is not a problem.

You choose how you feel about everything. Choose wisely and keep trying.

PS. The people in the picture are my brother (RIP), myself, and the baby that is no longer a baby and going to college next year. I am very proud of her.

Why do I keep saying that I am going to take it serously

and then I don't. I have been thinking about this for a while, and this entry might be longer than usual, but I just want to try to figure this out.

I've been coasting for the last few months. After being fired on April 30th, I decided that I was going to look for a job after coming home from my niece's graduation in May. On May 21st, we had a car accident. The car runs, barely, but the driver's side door is unable to open. This is a 1999 Sunfire, and maybe you don't know what that means. It means that the front seat has a parking break, a stick and a storage device, between the two front seats. Getting from the passenger seat to the driver seat has now become a great form of exercise. It has also caused a couple of competitions to see who can do it faster without destroying their pants or getting stuck in the process. (My personal best is 12 seconds, but I am either wearing exercise pants or jeans.) You need to keep in mind, both drivers are 200 pounds. Not an easy thing to do or see.

During this time I have been looking for work using the internet and the newspaper mostly, but I am not getting any callbacks. I am sad and relieved at the same time. Getting in the car is a pain, getting out of it is embarassing, and the crisp, tropical weather makes both things impossible without sweating profusely and ruining your makeup. Did I mention that the car's air conditioner, along with the cooling system, are dead?

I had decided that getting a job was second to making an opportunity from home. However, just like my exercise routine, I can't get a headstart. I have been procrastinating, my office is a mess, and none of my ideas are fully developed yet. So I decided to take a step back, last month, to figure out what the problem was. And then life got in the way.

Today I decided to clear the top of my desk, if it is the last thing I do, organize my work materials and figure out two things:
1) What do I really want to do with my health and body
2) What do I really want to do from home, or ouside, or better yet, to earn my keep.

It has been four hours since I woke up. I do not sleep a lot nowadays, I went to bed way after midnight last night. But I did read, either last night or today, something that caught my attention. I get this e-zine every day and the main man on it wrote a message that asked the question: are you an information user or an information junkie? I don't know, I read the article carefully and feel conflicted. I have a million books in my house. I like to read. I want to read all of them. I have purchased a few information programs. I have used them with limited results. I decided to take the quiz to make sure. The results, inconclusive. The quiz stated that if I was an information junkie, I would score an 8 or more. I scored a seven, due mainly because one of the questions said something about purchasing an info product that cost $1000 or more. If I have to be perfectly honest, the only reason why I have not done that is because I don't have the money. So now what? How do I feel? Was this a great insight? What's going on in this mess in my head?

I really don't know. I have a lot of information, ideas, thoughts and feelings all scrambled inside my head. The difference with me is, I have no idea where to start or what to do with all of it. So I decided that maybe if I take one step at a time, any step, I will find my way. Ok, then here it goes.

For my health and body: I am going to my personal fitness site - you know the kind, you pay a fee and you have access to a personal trainer's group. I am going to sit down for an hour and add to the chat rooms, get a little support and print the menu and the exercise routine for tomorrow (Sunday is my day off from exercise, although I walk on Sundays for stress relieve). I am going to sit down after that and make a list of possible topics to have on my blog this week. And then I am going to gather some info from another site that I participate from - this one is free because I have several exercise videos from this company.

For my work at home or anywhere idea: for the third time this year, I am going to revamp my resume. I am going to send it to at least five places this week. I am also going to set the deadline for reading the last info product I purchased. I will finish reading (just reading, not doing anything yet) on Friday, and then I will take one step by Friday also.

Why am I going so simple? Because maybe if I start anything at all, I will find my momentum and do more than I have in the last few months. Keep trying.