Changes and life

Today has been a day of reflection for me. This thought process might be a little convoluted so bare with me. I just found out Anna Nicole died. She was 39. Oddly enough, I had just finished reading this story about a lawsuit based on Trim Spa and Anna getting sued over false claims (something to that effect). The first thing I thought about was the fact that people don't learn that what might work for one person may very well not work for someone else. Then I thought that our obsession with blaming anybody else for our own problems only benefits lawyers and the diet industry. Then I started thinking that maybe she died as a direct consequence of relying on the wrong methods of weight loss. Her weight loss was very fast, then she got pregnant and all that hormonal, drug and alcohol history and weight issues could not be good for the body, specially the heart.
Then I started thinking about myself. The truth is I've been gaining and loosing the same five pounds for the last three months. I am stuck. I've been wondering lately why that is. I realize that things were not very rosy since December. My job disappeared, my will to exercise all but vanished and diet is not good during the Holidays. The truth is I am not trying hard enough. But depression has a little part in this whole thing. Ok, so I know this could be easily solved with Zoloft. I've done them before and it is the first time I got something for depression that did not turn me into a complete zombie. As you may know, the issue with my last boss gave me a mild case of anxiety attacks. I should have gone back to meds but I decided to do it on my own. And I am making progress, very slowly. I vent my frustrations here or in private emails to a select few. I write, I exercise and I take care of the home front. Sometimes, that is not enough. I know that some changes need to take place in order for me to get out of this rut I am caught under. The truth is that even though for some things I am a big risk taker, I am still afraid of the ultimate leap of faith. Those who know me well know exactly what that is and there is no point in going into details. The important thing is that I keep trying to make my life better. Learn from the lessons life presents you and then move on to whatever it is that you want to do. That is all for today.