Why do I keep saying that I am going to take it serously

and then I don't. I have been thinking about this for a while, and this entry might be longer than usual, but I just want to try to figure this out.

I've been coasting for the last few months. After being fired on April 30th, I decided that I was going to look for a job after coming home from my niece's graduation in May. On May 21st, we had a car accident. The car runs, barely, but the driver's side door is unable to open. This is a 1999 Sunfire, and maybe you don't know what that means. It means that the front seat has a parking break, a stick and a storage device, between the two front seats. Getting from the passenger seat to the driver seat has now become a great form of exercise. It has also caused a couple of competitions to see who can do it faster without destroying their pants or getting stuck in the process. (My personal best is 12 seconds, but I am either wearing exercise pants or jeans.) You need to keep in mind, both drivers are 200 pounds. Not an easy thing to do or see.

During this time I have been looking for work using the internet and the newspaper mostly, but I am not getting any callbacks. I am sad and relieved at the same time. Getting in the car is a pain, getting out of it is embarassing, and the crisp, tropical weather makes both things impossible without sweating profusely and ruining your makeup. Did I mention that the car's air conditioner, along with the cooling system, are dead?

I had decided that getting a job was second to making an opportunity from home. However, just like my exercise routine, I can't get a headstart. I have been procrastinating, my office is a mess, and none of my ideas are fully developed yet. So I decided to take a step back, last month, to figure out what the problem was. And then life got in the way.

Today I decided to clear the top of my desk, if it is the last thing I do, organize my work materials and figure out two things:
1) What do I really want to do with my health and body
2) What do I really want to do from home, or ouside, or better yet, to earn my keep.

It has been four hours since I woke up. I do not sleep a lot nowadays, I went to bed way after midnight last night. But I did read, either last night or today, something that caught my attention. I get this e-zine every day and the main man on it wrote a message that asked the question: are you an information user or an information junkie? I don't know, I read the article carefully and feel conflicted. I have a million books in my house. I like to read. I want to read all of them. I have purchased a few information programs. I have used them with limited results. I decided to take the quiz to make sure. The results, inconclusive. The quiz stated that if I was an information junkie, I would score an 8 or more. I scored a seven, due mainly because one of the questions said something about purchasing an info product that cost $1000 or more. If I have to be perfectly honest, the only reason why I have not done that is because I don't have the money. So now what? How do I feel? Was this a great insight? What's going on in this mess in my head?

I really don't know. I have a lot of information, ideas, thoughts and feelings all scrambled inside my head. The difference with me is, I have no idea where to start or what to do with all of it. So I decided that maybe if I take one step at a time, any step, I will find my way. Ok, then here it goes.

For my health and body: I am going to my personal fitness site - you know the kind, you pay a fee and you have access to a personal trainer's group. I am going to sit down for an hour and add to the chat rooms, get a little support and print the menu and the exercise routine for tomorrow (Sunday is my day off from exercise, although I walk on Sundays for stress relieve). I am going to sit down after that and make a list of possible topics to have on my blog this week. And then I am going to gather some info from another site that I participate from - this one is free because I have several exercise videos from this company.

For my work at home or anywhere idea: for the third time this year, I am going to revamp my resume. I am going to send it to at least five places this week. I am also going to set the deadline for reading the last info product I purchased. I will finish reading (just reading, not doing anything yet) on Friday, and then I will take one step by Friday also.

Why am I going so simple? Because maybe if I start anything at all, I will find my momentum and do more than I have in the last few months. Keep trying.