What to do with the disappointment

Hi. I have not written in a while, because I have been too busy stuffing my face with every goodie I can find. So it is with great shame that I admit that I am now back to the worst number on the scale: 200. There, I said it. They say that truth should set you free. Actually, it feels more like OOOOOOOOOUCH!!!!!!!!
This was not really good for my ego today. After a day of bad news and worse news, where the only good thing that happened is that my sister and the clan are here on a short visit, I did not need the talking scale at the local supermarket to print that horrible number on a ticket. I am humiliated, but more importantly, I am angry. At myself for eating without measuring the consequence and dropping all exercise.
So, the best thing that God did was one day in front of the other. Emergency measures are needed. Lots of water, raw veggies and exercise are required. Wish me luck, it is after all the middle of Christmas in Puerto Rico. Keep trying!

Loosing weight is a never ending battle

As I sit here on my break, and analyze my eating habits, my exercise and just my general lifestyle, I've come upon a thought. Why is loosing weight such a hard thing to do? I watch the shows on TV, I plan my meals, I read the books. I understand that I did not get to be this big overnight (even though it feels that way). Yet I want to loose the weight as quickly as possible without having those dreaded skin folds that need to be removed with surgery.
In my opinion, this is a big proposition. I don't even know if they are mutually exclusive. I believe that if I loose more than a pound a week, I will have skin folds. But I would love to loose three to five pounds a week. In my delusion, I honestly think that it can be done safely. I must be loosing my mind.
I am planning my strategy and starting next week I will let you in on all the details. Wish me luck and KEEP trying.

Accountability does not make weight loss easier

So, here I am, many months after I started this. Not only have I not lost any weight, I gained five pounds. I let life get in the way and ate my way out of some difficult times. Guess what? They still hurt. My family members are still sick, my life is not exactly the way I want it.
But something happened in the middle of this hormonal time of the month for me. Clarity emerged. I am 100% responsible for my life, which means, I am 100% responsible for what is going on and specially, how I feel about it. I need to stop moping and get going. I need to improve my existence one day at a time until I achieve certain goals and can move on to bigger and greater things. I have to get out of this because I have the power to change this. All change happens in one second: that is how long it took for me to say "I do" a long time ago. That was how long it took for my life to change when I lost my last pregnancy. That is how long it takes to make a commitment to better your life.
I have been smoke free for almost a year now. I CAN DO THIS.