Loosing weight is a never ending battle

As I sit here on my break, and analyze my eating habits, my exercise and just my general lifestyle, I've come upon a thought. Why is loosing weight such a hard thing to do? I watch the shows on TV, I plan my meals, I read the books. I understand that I did not get to be this big overnight (even though it feels that way). Yet I want to loose the weight as quickly as possible without having those dreaded skin folds that need to be removed with surgery.
In my opinion, this is a big proposition. I don't even know if they are mutually exclusive. I believe that if I loose more than a pound a week, I will have skin folds. But I would love to loose three to five pounds a week. In my delusion, I honestly think that it can be done safely. I must be loosing my mind.
I am planning my strategy and starting next week I will let you in on all the details. Wish me luck and KEEP trying.

Accountability does not make weight loss easier

So, here I am, many months after I started this. Not only have I not lost any weight, I gained five pounds. I let life get in the way and ate my way out of some difficult times. Guess what? They still hurt. My family members are still sick, my life is not exactly the way I want it.
But something happened in the middle of this hormonal time of the month for me. Clarity emerged. I am 100% responsible for my life, which means, I am 100% responsible for what is going on and specially, how I feel about it. I need to stop moping and get going. I need to improve my existence one day at a time until I achieve certain goals and can move on to bigger and greater things. I have to get out of this because I have the power to change this. All change happens in one second: that is how long it took for me to say "I do" a long time ago. That was how long it took for my life to change when I lost my last pregnancy. That is how long it takes to make a commitment to better your life.
I have been smoke free for almost a year now. I CAN DO THIS.

New beginnings

I now have a Myspace, although I have to work on it because it takes forever to load. I have the coolest pics of the last trip I took and I am spending some time in fixing my "online image".
I started working the graveyard shift at work this week. I have to be honest with you, I love it. It gives me the best hours of the day: it is cool, not hot, the dogs are quiet and the volume of calls is not psychotic. I enjoy actually breathing in between calls and having a clear head from one situation to the next. And yes, I also love having my computer on and working on my stuff when I can. Also, I can file my reports on real time instead of waiting until the end of shift to do so.
I am also cleaning and de-cluttering my house since I moved some furniture around. And finally, I am de-cluttering my life. There are many things that are not necessary in my life to be happy, and the less of that I have, the happier I will be. My efforts are now on my health, my prosperity and my life. No time for losers, arrogant idiots or wannabes. It is time for me to concentrate on ME and give the best of me to my family and friends.

Strenght for days

Some days, your life is not going the way you want to: family members are not healthy, money is tight, weather is bad... what are you supposed to do?
First of all, you have to understand that you are responsible for your life. For those of you who have seen the Secret, you might understand this. For the rest of us, it is very simple. It is not necessarily your fault that your family member is sick and the weather is bad, but YOUR response to this situation is entirely up to you.
In Puerto Rico right now, I have two people in my life with life threatening conditions, it has been raining non stop for two and a half days, and I am financially broke. I have two options: I can either sit and sulk or I can enjoy my days and send my positive thoughts to those who are sick so that they don't give up. And the weather helps me too because I have not purchased an air conditioner for my office, and today work is going to be pleasant.
What circumstances surround you? What are you thinking, doing, planning around those circumstances. Be a positive influence in your family and friend's life. Keep trying.

After owning it for over a year, I finally updated my space

I signed in to myspace a long time ago. Today, I finally decided I needed to update my presence in the web. That means, that I need to update this thing here, and also, that I needed to create my facebook and update myspace. It has taken me the last few hours just to create a slide show and have a background, but slowly but surely I am making it happen. Now, if only I could link both of these things together, I would be a happy camper.

It has been a while

Yes, life sometimes gets in the way, and you forget to handle those things that might make you happy but are not really necessary. It has been a few weeks since I write at all. My journals are empty, my blog has been abandoned. Things don't seem as important. There is a reason for this.
A few weeks ago a personal acquaintance discovered a 500 glucose level on his blood. Thanks to good diet and medication, glucose levels went back to normal. For the last three weeks, he has been able to control it with diet and some exercise. He now walks to work every day (1/2 mile), he runs some errands on foot, and then he walks back home on foot. On his days off, he might join us for our three mile walk. We all went walking on Monday and even though somewhere between my big toes and my nails, I am bleeding, we walk all three miles without any major concerns.
But after the big scare and the possible lifestyle change, I find out that the most important man in my life has leukemia. The way he is talking, he might have a couple of years left do to other complications. I am very upset, but also hopeful. Every day we have him here is one day we beat the odds. He is happy he is not under any painful treatment right now. And I understand that after you have a certain age you really don't want to interfere with the natural order of things. But even though my brain understands him perfectly, my heart does not care. We want him here for as long as possible. That has been a little hard.
Given the circumstances, I decided to do a little research on both diabetes and leukemia. Maybe that is the motivation I need to start writing again. We'll see. Keep trying.

OK: I could not admit I had failed

I am back! The last two weeks were a test of my will to actually loose weight. After getting hit with personal tragedies for the last 6 weeks, I realized that now I have to take better care of myself than ever before. If for no other reason, so that I can survive the months ahead.
My ability to stay away from chocolate is nonexistent. But lately I have been eating more at home than ever before. I am actually eating more salmon, and I actually see fruits and vegetables on my plate on most days. I am however, still drinking a few sodas a week and I am eating chocolate every time I feel anxious, which is pretty much every day it seems. In fact, if I spend a couple of days without it, I start acting like a junkie. I know I am a chocoholic, but lately, it has turned into a scary behavior change.
But I am back on track. I plan on walking tonight after work in order to release the stresses of the day.
Will tell you tomorrow.

Ramblings: I'm tired but I have to keep trying

I am tired of watching what I eat and trying to exercise every day. I am tired of seeing other people not try hard enough and loose 10 pounds in a week. I am tired of busting my ass. But I have to keep trying, learning and practicing, because I want to loose 30 pounds by the end of the year. If Oprah got on the best shape of her life at 50, I can do it at 40. Keep trying.