I just saw a commercial for something called online bullying, something about talking trash on the internet because it is anonymous and people not having the balls to say it to your face.
I have been bullied all my life. When I was in middle school, the coolest kid in the class used to call me "witch" because I was so ugly. Back then, he was not considered a bully, he was just considered cute. I used to have a crush on said bully, so I did not protest either. At the end of 7th grade, I slapped him twice and told him never to call me a witch again....I also reminded him that as a close, personal friend, I had a lot of dirt on him. He stopped.
When I went to high school, I moved to a new town, Dorado,PR. The kids there hated me, tried to run me over with their cars, threw baskets of eggs at my house, called me "Pelua" and did a whole bunch of things to me. Eventually I ignored them, at least in public, but in private, I cried myself to sleep every night, until I discovered a whole bunch of boys who thought I was cute, and they helped me get even.
Now as an adult, I find out that again, I am being bullied by an old high school friend. But you know what? There is a cliche that applies to this situation: they cannot bully you around, unless you let them.
The truth is, your health and your well being can only be affected by one person, you. If you let them get to you, it is not their fault, it is yours. Don't let them win.
I have spent a long time blaming others for my unhappiness...they called me fat, they said I was ugly, they said I am stupid. In the end, it is only truth if you believe it. And if you believe it, they win.
Keep trying.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Monday, August 18, 2008
Health, nutrition and exercise
Today I decided to start a new routine. Although I am exercising a minimum of one hour a day, three days a week, I decided that was not enough. I have been paying for a membership to a health and exercise site for months, seems logical that I should actually try to work out based on what I get from this place.
The site belongs to a famous tv coach, who is well known for her kick ass, take no prisoners type of training. I absolutely love her and I like her because she was fat, and then she lost weight and became a trainer. Although she is too young to know what I am going through at 41, she knows that changing health habits is not easy.
I actually took a look at her meal plan and with some tweaking, I made it more palatable to myself, and had to break some meal choices in half since I do six meals a day, and she does four. But I was able to set up a structure in writing, which includes more exercise and better nutrition. So far today, I had two meals already. I'm not going to lie, they looked very small on the plate, but I am shocked at how satisfied I feel. This is very easy.
My interest in her workouts was the actual exercise. I decided not to concentrate so much on a number on the scale, and focus more on a size of clothing (9-10), a specific look (more strong, healthy and muscular as opposed to chubby), and a feeling (vibrant and awake as opposed to tired and barely awake). I will keep you posted.
Keep trying.
The site belongs to a famous tv coach, who is well known for her kick ass, take no prisoners type of training. I absolutely love her and I like her because she was fat, and then she lost weight and became a trainer. Although she is too young to know what I am going through at 41, she knows that changing health habits is not easy.
I actually took a look at her meal plan and with some tweaking, I made it more palatable to myself, and had to break some meal choices in half since I do six meals a day, and she does four. But I was able to set up a structure in writing, which includes more exercise and better nutrition. So far today, I had two meals already. I'm not going to lie, they looked very small on the plate, but I am shocked at how satisfied I feel. This is very easy.
My interest in her workouts was the actual exercise. I decided not to concentrate so much on a number on the scale, and focus more on a size of clothing (9-10), a specific look (more strong, healthy and muscular as opposed to chubby), and a feeling (vibrant and awake as opposed to tired and barely awake). I will keep you posted.
Keep trying.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Truly important things in life
For the last couple of weeks, I have been pondering what the really important things are in life. I have been so obsessed with my weight that I have not counted all the blessings that I do have. I am the mother of the most beautiful, talented and intelligent person I know. I am married to a wonderful man and excellent father. I am a homeowner, I have a BA in Marketing and most people say that I am really smart. I have all my extremities, both my eyes and ears, I can smell and taste and most of the time I can feel things. I am "normal" by most standards.
I was reminded a few days ago how shallow people are some times, and how we some times become even more shallow. Just when I was starting to make peace with the person I am today, weight and all, people make comments about my hair, my earrings (or lack of), my choice of clothes, and everything else. As I believe, like Mary Poppins, that I should never explain anything, I should be happy and move on. But I needed to get some things off my chest and none of the people involved in this little incident read this (although I wish they would), so here I go.
First of all, the average person bases their point of view on their own experience. This is the easiest way to explain why some people think I am negative, even on days when I am happy. I don't have time to sit and be stupid happy all day, sorry, that is not me. I have been chastised about the earring thing all my life, and the joke is, I actually love earrings. Unfortunately, depending on the alloy used, I tend to get allergic reactions, even from jewelry that is supposed to be not allergenic (or however you say that). More often than not I avoid them, because I don't want to be scratching my earlobes off for a week or two. Kill me for thinking about my convenience. I chopped my hair off because I sweat a lot, and I live in a tropical island. If my husband would allow me, I would have gone bald. But that was the only thing he begged me not to do, and I decided to please him. Again, this is a convenience issue and not the crazy antics of a depressed woman. Excuse me for thinking, again, about my own convenience.
Ironically enough, I was accused of wearing no make up to an occasion when I was wearing more make up than I usually do. However, I had gone to work that day at 3:00 AM in the morning, and I looked tired....really, I would think that the fact that I fell asleep on the way there would have tipped you off. Finally, this is the one thing I want to say about all this. If you spent a couple of hours talking about my hair, my make up, my earrings or my looks, your life is more pathetic than mine. Because most of my decisions are based out of convenience and take a few minutes to make. But the fact that you actually took the time, not only to notice it but to bitch about it for 2 minutes or two hours, only goes to show that your life is so empty, you have nothing better to do than bash people that are not even present to defend themselves. And that, to me, is even more pathetic than the fact that I did not wear earrings to a lunch date, or that my hair annoys you. GET A LIFE, and let me enjoy mine.
There, now that I got it all out of my system, I feel much better. But now, for my honest opinion on the topic. After the anger gave way to laughter, I can truly say, that I could care less about what people think about me. If they are not taking the time to talk to me, instead of behind my back, they can think what they want, because they are not my friends. And to those friends who told me what end was up, I truly do appreciate your concern. But the fact of the matter is, I am not unhappy or depressed, I do things for myself, and not for others to approve, and if you love me, you either take me as I am, or you let me be...which is what I usually do about what I think about you. LOVE YA.
I was reminded a few days ago how shallow people are some times, and how we some times become even more shallow. Just when I was starting to make peace with the person I am today, weight and all, people make comments about my hair, my earrings (or lack of), my choice of clothes, and everything else. As I believe, like Mary Poppins, that I should never explain anything, I should be happy and move on. But I needed to get some things off my chest and none of the people involved in this little incident read this (although I wish they would), so here I go.
First of all, the average person bases their point of view on their own experience. This is the easiest way to explain why some people think I am negative, even on days when I am happy. I don't have time to sit and be stupid happy all day, sorry, that is not me. I have been chastised about the earring thing all my life, and the joke is, I actually love earrings. Unfortunately, depending on the alloy used, I tend to get allergic reactions, even from jewelry that is supposed to be not allergenic (or however you say that). More often than not I avoid them, because I don't want to be scratching my earlobes off for a week or two. Kill me for thinking about my convenience. I chopped my hair off because I sweat a lot, and I live in a tropical island. If my husband would allow me, I would have gone bald. But that was the only thing he begged me not to do, and I decided to please him. Again, this is a convenience issue and not the crazy antics of a depressed woman. Excuse me for thinking, again, about my own convenience.
Ironically enough, I was accused of wearing no make up to an occasion when I was wearing more make up than I usually do. However, I had gone to work that day at 3:00 AM in the morning, and I looked tired....really, I would think that the fact that I fell asleep on the way there would have tipped you off. Finally, this is the one thing I want to say about all this. If you spent a couple of hours talking about my hair, my make up, my earrings or my looks, your life is more pathetic than mine. Because most of my decisions are based out of convenience and take a few minutes to make. But the fact that you actually took the time, not only to notice it but to bitch about it for 2 minutes or two hours, only goes to show that your life is so empty, you have nothing better to do than bash people that are not even present to defend themselves. And that, to me, is even more pathetic than the fact that I did not wear earrings to a lunch date, or that my hair annoys you. GET A LIFE, and let me enjoy mine.
There, now that I got it all out of my system, I feel much better. But now, for my honest opinion on the topic. After the anger gave way to laughter, I can truly say, that I could care less about what people think about me. If they are not taking the time to talk to me, instead of behind my back, they can think what they want, because they are not my friends. And to those friends who told me what end was up, I truly do appreciate your concern. But the fact of the matter is, I am not unhappy or depressed, I do things for myself, and not for others to approve, and if you love me, you either take me as I am, or you let me be...which is what I usually do about what I think about you. LOVE YA.
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