Elizabeth and Cal

"People who haven't experienced absolute loneliness for long stretches of time can never sympathize with it at all". Elizabeth Bishop, June 30th, 1948

A friend of mine recommended a book to read. This is a friend that I care for deeply and who's opinion I respect. The book is based on the correspondence between two poets of the 20th century. They were friends and wrote letters to each other for 30 years. The book, so far, is fascinating. Although, some times I feel like I am spying on some very personal information, and at other times I feel like i am getting a pick at the gossip of the literary figures of the time.

There is a reason why I mention this book in a blog about motivation and health. The quote at the beginning is something that stays on my head long after I read it. Loneliness has nothing to do with how many people you are surrounded by. And only people who are lonely for long periods of time understand this quote.

For those of us who struggle with our self esteem and out health, loneliness is a double edge sword. We crave the time when people are not scolding us about our weight and other personal issues. But if we create an invisible wall and stay within it, we feel lonely and misunderstood. So where should we draw the line? What should we do?

I don't have an answer yet, I guess somewhere in between. I need to be alone to create and to write. I want to be alone when I exercise because I don't want anyone to see my "flaws", but I wish I could share with the people around me some of the struggles of the daily life. And not feeling like I can share my feelings without being judged has created a wall, that I am not ready I want to bring down just yet. Where is the line drawn? As soon as I figure it out, I will let you know.

Keep trying.